listen to my silences
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2002-09-26 00:19:17 (UTC)

to my parents (friday night)

To my parents:
So it doesn’t matter that I’m older than her. As long as
her feelings aren’t hurt then everything is a okay.
Doesn’t matter if I’m insulted or hurt by it, only if she
is. Forget the fact that I’m older. Forget that I can
take care of myself. After all who’s the one with the best
friend that’s a second degree black belt who has taught
them something? That couldn’t be me could it? Well it’s
definitely not her. And which one of us actually gets
along with him? Which one of us actually has friends over
there? Which one of us wants to go over there to be with
the people there, not just to drive? With which one of us
would it make sense to go? Why waste all that gas? Why
not think about it? For just a minute. Too much to ask

Ever since we were little we have been treated the same.
Same toys same clothes same friends same everything. She
is not as old as me but she doesn’t know that because the
only thing that’s different between us is that I am farther
along in school than she is. The only reason I have a car
and she doesn’t is because I am responsible. But that
couldn’t be a reason in treating me like I am older is it.
Just because her feelings might be hurt is not a reason.
Unless it doesn’t matter that mine could be. Oh wait you
already said that was true. The real reason you don’t want
me to go is you don’t want to deal with her smarting off to
you. You don’t want to hear it. Well if you would teach
her that she has to respect you then you wouldn’t get any

But whatever I’m done. If no matter what I do it doesn’t
matter and you’re still going to act like you don’t care if
my feelings are hurt then I’m not going to care if I hurt
yours. You’re not going to punish anyone for smarting off
to you then I will tell you what I think. I don’t care if
I’m disrespectful. Because before you dare open your mouth
to yell at me you better tell her first. You think you can
tell me because I’ll listen. Maybe you should teach her
how to listen. And I’m done listening if you’re not going
to listen to me.

I don’t know how I can be so good at logic problems. I
sure wasn’t taught any logic by living in this house. Must
have been the times I was punished for things and sent to
my room while she went out to play when the same things


For nothing.

I can’t wait till November.

final thought: could i be good enough?

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