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2001-07-27 11:21:04 (UTC)


okey i dont noe what got me just now. i was just lying down
on my bed and then i started thinking about tuty and then
when i think about tuty i think about naz, then i think
again about the both of them.. what happened between them
and me.. why we were so close and now we hardly even
talk... i noe ive done a hell lot of terrible things
previously .. but does the price im paying at teh moment
have to be so harsh..? god, i missed the two of them so
much.. ive never felt like this.. im asking why suddenly?
ive been fine.. they look fine.. why bring up the past??
naz and tuty were my best friends... its also becoz of that
fact we are all now so distant. man, im such a bitch. i
want so much to patch things up between me and tuty.. me
and naz, we're on talking terms.. better.. and i like the
way we are right now though i cant deny taht things used to
much more warm,.. and more cosy.. but one cant have
everything... i glad at least i have naz back though we're
not close..i noe tahts good enough...

but tuty.. darn it so difficult maybe cost i hurt her
more.. i hurt her damn bad. what happened niz? what
happened?? what made u turn into some heartless bitch and
do all those mean things??????? ok. ok. i cant rewind time
and undo all those things i did... yes, shamelessly i admit
there were a lot of times when i wanted to call her up..
countless of letters i wrote.. but all ended up not sent...
all those letter of dishin out all the truth i had in me..
i guess i haf no backbone.. becoz if i did, i would ahve
given them to her..
now i bear the consequences. fuck me.
i feel so alone damnit. its like u expect someone to be there but
theyre not there... its ouch. i miss dy.. i wish i could say that
rite to de face but i just cant. dats why i wished she could read my
mind.. but i dont noe whether that would be good. but i dont care. i
haf nothin to hide. ggggggggggggggoooooddddddddd! i feel so fucked up
alone. wheres everybody i love? wheres dy?

-lilith. (again)