lilith.

nazreen nessa

nazreen nessa.

best friend. rather ex-best friend. difference in mind and
frequency set us apart. i noe it was mainly my fault. i had
too complex a life that even she couldnt understand me. i
think about what me and naz used to do... there was once we
dressed up in similar ghetto - blue mambo tees and green
cargo pants.. then we went out and had dinner at lau pa
sat.. then the stall vendor thought we were from some mambo
retail shop having our break from work! geez.. then there
were those nites when we would lie in bed together, once
wearing our hawaiianas slippers and just thinking the nite
away..

we used to do evrything together.. she was de closest fren
ever... my mom was particularly fond of dis her.. my
brother, my dad.. i got into a lot of fights with my mom
and dad for getting into fights with naz.. and all the time
they would be siding on her side, blaming me for
everything.. my late granny was similar.. maybe dat was why
i was always fighting with naz.. i dont noe... me and naz..
we were like sisters... i hate myself damnit for being so
inchy-winchy about the things she did hence sparking some
stupid trivial argument. things got real bad in sec 3.. i
noe not what happened... things led to one another and
before you noe it.. we were bitter enemies... fuck me. i
should have just set aside my difference and not take
everything so personal maybe then everything would not have
been so bad..

my mom used to tell me dat i dont value my frens well. she
said that there would be one day when i would stand in the
middle of nowhere all alone, and only theni would go
wishing for a fren like her.. and the voice that would
reply out to me would only be de denying echoes of my
voice... ive never told anyone dis but there were those
times when naz wanted to work things out and i gave up so
easily.. well, i merely wanted to escape from it all.. i
guess im a bloody fucking coward yeah dats what i am... all
the times she wanted to talk things out.. i would tell her
taht she would move on and i was repeatedly assuring her
that she didnt need me in her life.. and dat one day she
will move on.. one day she will no longer turn around to
look for me and dat one day she would be free to live her
life the way she wanted it to be without me in it.. all
those times i told her, i assured her i was off no
importance.. all those times.. you will move on naz, you
will... you wont need me...

nazreen nessa has moved on.. she has a life o her own and
shes happy. fate played a cruel joke. im the one whos still
lying on the bed, lights dimmed, wearing my hawaiianas
slippers. dis time all alone. im de one who hasnt moved on.

i love my twin, but dont tell her dat. becoz those days are
over. fuck me for secretly reminiscing them foolishly.

-lilith