Dawn

Dawn
2002-09-25 03:55:39 (UTC)

today

i've decided i'm not gonna bother anyone with this
anymore. i need to learn to handle it on my own, and if i
can't then maybe i don't deserve to be here. from now on
when i feel like this, i think i'll just come in here and
type and see what comes out. maybe then i won't be such a
disappointment to everyone.

i've had enough today. i don't want to be here, but i
think i'll be ok, the feeling's not that strong at the
moment, although it doesn't usually start this early in the
day. it's usually later at night that it gets really bad.
i'm gonna have to try and get through tonight on my own.

i've not long gotten home from work. i really do love my
job, it's like my sanctuary, the only place i feel like a
normal person any more, the only place these feelings don't
usually affect me, although once in a while they'll creep
up on me at work, depends how bad it's been the night
before.

anyway, it's school holidays, and i only picked the kids up
about half an hour ago. already i feel i'm not coping, and
they somehow pick up on that and it makes them worse, and
makes me feel even more like i don't want to be here, but i
do love them, soooo much. they're probably the only thing
keeping me here. i guess at least something is.

anyway, that sounds like a lot of rambling and rubbish, so
i think i'll go and try and get through this. i think i'll
go find a distraction of some sort, something to occupy my
mind for a while, hopefully then these feelings will go away




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