Missing him so bad
Ryan wasn't on today. Or if he was I didn't see him. I
guess that means that his mom's cut off his internet
connection. Yesterday he said that the only reason he comes
on is so that he can see me. I want to be with him so much.
But I'm scared of getting my heart broken. Will he play me
too? Or am I perhaps different? He says that this time
feels different. I don't know. Maybe I really am crazy.
That's probably more truth than fiction. Josh is getting
closer than I would like. And all the while my mind is on
Ryan. So I'm lying all the time. I knew I was screwed up
but this is ridiculous. I really do need to get some help
before I stuff up other ppls lives.