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2001-07-27 01:44:57 (UTC)

Two guys... which to choose?

I had trouble getting onto the internet today because last
night I got a virus. But it's gone now and I'm on. Ryan was
there. The time he was on he spent with me. At first he was
with a girl in rpg. But somehow he saw through my shield
that it was effecting me and so he walked out on her. He's
a playa. He even admitted to playing alot of girls. He
doesn't like doing it but he can't help it. Now what should
I do? I mean I like him so much. He says it's different
with me. But is that the line he uses on every girl. It's
so confusing. And then there's Josh. He likes me too and
he's always cuddling up to me. He wrote in his diary and
showed me. I felt all wrong. It says how happy he is when
he talks to me. I'm playing him. I don't mean to do it. If
I tell him how I really feel how will he feel then? Besides
I'm not sure I want to take the chance with Ryan. Am I
really prepared to get my heart broken again? But isn't
there a chance that he's changed? I mean it's not always
the same. I don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much
when he does this. I remember how hard it was with Anthony.
I got my heart broken badly and it's still not completely
healed. Since he broke my heart I've been with Eugene and
Bobby. Then I fell in love with the other Bobby and then I
tried to go out with Peter. I mean is it just me or am I
looking for comfort? I feel lost alot. And maybe my home
life has alot to do with it too. Who knows? I don't
anymore. I went to the doctors and she gave me a doctor's
certificate till the 11th. So that's good. I need a few
weeks more off. I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.
I guess I'll have to work it out.


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