starry nite

my own world
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Ezoic
2002-09-24 22:43:44 (UTC)

solely concentrating on the negative aspects of life

...thats a long title......it is a song by Shai Hulud...i
heard it yesterday. its good and the song title totally
fits the way i'm feeling right now.

life is pretty shitty at this present moment. at school i
just felt alone for most of the day. i hate feeling like
that. even when i was with people i felt alone. damn it. i
want to be happy. i am for a little while, when i dont have
time to think but then i get down again and just get more
depressed.

i would like to cut right now. i was thinking about it on
the way home. i really want to, i was seriously considering
it, but i know it wouldnt be wise. its too much work. i
enjoy it while im doing it, but having it hide it later for
weeks sucks, and when there are scars its even worse.
besides, i have gone for this long, why start again now?its
only been 4 months but still, that 4 months took forever.
and it was hard. so why ruin it now?..becuase i am
depressed and stressed out and thats my way to cope. or at
least it used to be. now i just try to ignore the bad
shit....prolly not the best solution....no, definatly not
the best solution.it really isnt a solution at all, rather
delaying the inevitable. i would like to die right now.
just lay down on my bed and go to sleep and never wake
up....sounds nice. i wont though. not today. for today i
will be strong....tomarrow, who knows....but for today i
will hold on.


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