sex kitten

life of a porn star
2001-07-27 01:11:08 (UTC)

i am in love- god damn it

i hate this feeling i have about this one guy. for the past
few weeks i have gotten to know someone and he rocks my
world. i cannot tell him the way i feel bc it would never
work out. my friend also likes him and she would kick my
ass if she knew i liked him. he is so great and every
second i am not talking to him i am in hell. i have never
been so frustated. i feel so insecure about this, i suppose
i could tell him i like him but that would most likely ruin
our friendship or whatevr ya want to call it. he is really
nice to me but every time he is not paying full attention
to me i want to die. how can i be so dependent on someone
who doesnt know how much they mean to me. i should be happy
and excited but i have been crying lately bc i want to act
out on my feelings and make things work out. i have no idea
where to go from here and i dont know how to express these
feelings correctly. why am i so sad about him?- i know its
bc i know that he would not like me that way and i would
only get hurt. last night i had a dream that we kissed for
the first time and he pulled away and said that he thought
it was a bad idea. so mabey this means that i know in my
heart already that he does not feel the same way about me.
i still want him though. i just need an affirmation from
him. that is all i want. just to know that he is thinking
of me. it would make a whole world of difference. but alas,
i am invisible to him and i am nothing but an aquantance.