The mediocrity that is me
2002-09-24 09:15:24 (UTC)

Am I becoming that obsessive little girl that I hated in high school?

Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn.


What the fuck am I playing around at?

Soooo.....confuckingflicted. I seriously want to hold his
hand and kiss him --- but I don't know if I should.
Stupid, I know. I'm afraid to make any move. What if he
wasn't serious? What if he doesn't mean it? What if I
totally insulted him last night, and now he doesn't want
to pursue any type of romantic relationship with me at all

I'm going crazy. I want to kiss him so badly. So badly.
You don't understand how badly I want this. But I'm
terrified to. What if I don't do it right? What if he
decides he doesn't like me? Then not only do I not have
any romantic relationship, I don't really have any friends
here either. And what if I can't leave it at that. What
if I can't just leave it at one kiss.

What if I only get kissed when I'm drunk because I'm
afraid to do anything?

I was seriously going to do it tonight too --- damn joel
for wanting to walk with us. Damn him to hell. Yeah,
just kidding, of course. But my god. Now I'm even twice
as scared.

What if he's changed his mind. What if I've screwed
things up once again. What if I haven't screwed things
up, but will eventually because I keep overanalyzing this.

Damn it all, I need to be kissed. Passionately. Right