megan

listen to my silences
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2002-09-23 16:33:58 (UTC)

the weekend rantings

i never went over to brodie's. i don't think he got the
key to his sister's house because he never called. oh
well. saturday night there was another...incident...at
home. so i left at seven and drove till twelve thirty.
and somehow, i still have a half tank of gas left. as erin
said, that's god. i drove from my house to bardstown road,
my house to nahs, my house to charlestown, sellersburg to
scottsburg, my house to clarksville, jeff to state street
to rent a movie. and then i went home because all the
lights were off.

i rented a walk to remember. it was so good. it made me
cry because i was feeling lonely. not a good movie to
watch if you're feeling lonely. but it was still really
good. i also bought monster's inc. that movie is so
cute. i had never seen it but i bought it because it was
only ten dollars and i got a free movie rental with it. so
it was like renting two movies which was what i had planned
on doing anyways.

i went to sojourn last night and met several people. it
was great. kells and erin wanted me to come and eat with
them but i was not in the mood and i wasn't really hungry.
plus i wanted to meet some people. so that's what i did.

and the reason i stayed was NOT BECAUSE CHARLIE DID NOT GO
OUT TO EAT WITH YOU ALL. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I DON'T CARE.
I REALLY DON'T I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THAT THINKING. IT'S
WHAT DROVE ME AND BRODIE APART FOR AWHILE AND I DON'T WANT
TO RUIN ANOTHER FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE OF THAT KIND OF
THINKING. I'M A LITTLE OLDER AND MORE MATURE THAN THAT.
AND I'D LIKE TO THINK I'M NOT THAT SHALLOW. BUT YOU'RE
ENTITLED TO YOUR OWN OPINION SO WHATEVER. IF YOU THINK
THAT'S THE REASON THEN NOTHING I SAY OR DO WILL STOP YOU.
i don't understand why so many people are freaked out about
this thing. HELLO. IT'S A FRIENDSHIP. PERIOD. THAT'S
ONE PERIOD. NOT THREE AS IN I'M THINKING SOMETHING ELSE OR
THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN WHAT I WROTE.

did i talk to him? yes i did. but i didn't talk just to
him. GIVE ME SOME CREDIT PEOPLE GEEZ. i don't know how i
feel about him and i don't know if he's even still
interested. BUT I DON'T CARE IF HE IS OR NOT. I DON'T
EVEN WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE
ALL GOING TO THINK I'M JUST HIDING IT FROM MYSELF. WELL
GUESS WHAT, I'M NOT ONLY GOING TO HIDE IT FROM MYSELF I'M
GOING TO HIDE IT FROM YOU TOO. THAT WAY YOU CAN'T SAY
SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM ME OR READ SOMETHING YOU THINK IS
THERE BECAUSE NOTHING WILL BE THERE.

okay, i feel a little better now. a little. oh well it's
better than not feeling better at all. erin and i are
supposed to go out to eat on tuesday. well, not supposed
to, but we're going to try to.

oh yeah, my computer lost an aol file. not the whole
thing, just the one that starts it. it initializes it and
everything else will still work. but it won't start. i
don't know i can't explain it i'm not great with
computers. i'm okay, but not the whole determining the
problem thing. so i have to uninstall and then reinstall
the whole thing. grr...oh well.

my sis and bro and i went to the park yesterday. she and i
played with my vortex (a miniature football with a tail
because she can't throw a football and i can't throw
period. i can catch just about anything though. there
were guys from northside there that were throwing with us
and they were all impressed. they were laughing
hysterically when i tried to through the stupid thing
though...lol those that have tried to teach me.) and we
had a good time. brian rode around on his bike the whole
time. susan and i played on the swings (how do you say the
past tense of swing?) a little. it was great. a martin
children outing lol.

what do you want
if only i knew
maybe i'd be the one
to give it to you

final thought: i'm tired of hiding and being hidden from


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