Scenes from a Marriage
2001-07-26 14:48:23 (UTC)

Thursday, July 26th

Well, we started reading each other's writings from Dr.
Phil's book, and then we went to talk. Things were going
well with the talk, we were telling each other how we felt,
not accusing, using "It makes me feel like this when you
did that", kind of stuff. Then I blew up, he told me about
reading an e-mail of mine when I was getting ready to go to
Atlanta that James and I were going to hook up. The e-mail
was a total joke and James was not even in Atlanta. He
said it made him mad and he then made the choices he did.
I told him he had no right to invade my privacy like that,
especially when he had told me that he no longer snooped in
my stuff. He took all the blame for stuff and said it was
his fault he should have talked to me rather than just
trying to solve his problems with someone else.

I want this to work out so badly, I mean the person he is
now is just wonderful and I love him dearly, however, the
person he has been I can't stand. But, I know I can't take
looking at his baby (if it is) every other weekend and
putting her on my insurance, and paying 20% of his money to
her every month. I just can't do it!! I need this test to
come back now, not 4 weeks from now.

He said it was embarrassing to go to court and have his
name called, see all those people watch him walk back
there. I told him that he had a over a year to deal with
what he had done, I just found out in June. The wounds had
had time to heal for him, but not for me. Then this
testing thing just made it all come back and brings with it
the image of them together.

Why am I staying with him? Is it because he becuase he can be so
nice and loving, am I doing it just for my son???