Masshole at heart
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2002-09-23 03:11:42 (UTC)


So im feeling a little neglected. i'm sure everyone has
felt like this at some point in their lives, and it sucks
when it happens to you. since coming to college (a month
ago) i have realized a lot about myself, and who i thought
i was. it never really bothered me before that i didn't
have a boyfriend, or someone i could at least depend on;
and now im here, with no one. i made the choice to go so
far away, where no one knew me, but now it kind of sucks.
ive always been the kind of person not to need affirmation
from another person about myself. ive always just been
comfortable with who i am. now i am all concerned about
all of these new people who dont know me, and whom i need
to get to know. i have such a tight circle at home,
people that i don't even need to talk to, and they know
exactly what i am thinking or feeling. there is no one
here like that. ive been looking for it here - and
spending my time with a select few whom im coming to
realize may not be the best people for me. im not happy
when i am with them (usually), but i dont know anyone
else, so im scared not to spend time with them also. its a
bad cycle ive gotten myself into, and its going to be hard
to break.
im scared that if i do become involved with some one that
im going to forget about the real reason im here. school
should be the most important thing to me. and as many
here have said, i pay enough to go here, i should try and
do everything i can to get my monies worth. ive never
been good at doing more than one thing at once though, it
scares me to try.
i miss home. i haven't cried yet. im not one to cry
about things which i cannot help. there is no point for
me to focus on the distance i have put between myself and
my home. it would only make me depressed. besides, if i
think im going to be living abroad for a year, i better
get used to the idea of not going home whenever i want
to. its really more the people that i miss. and my dog.
the dog i swore i would never like. he is satan's spawn
afterall. he is a sweetheart though, and he knows it deep
speaking of sweethearts, don't ever involve yourself with
one. they won't tell you how they feel, and they make you
feel like shit in the meantime. they're too damn nice for
their or your own good. find a guy that is going to tell
you how it is to your face.
im just a simple girl, why is everything around me drama?