Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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Tomorrow will be the first day of Autumn, my favorite time
of year. I am not one for the heat, and my birthday falls
in the Aumtumn time. I long for cool, crisp air and the
I am hoping a season's change will bring change into my
life. Not the change I've been experiencing here, touching
the edge of everyone else's experience, but a personal
change that will allow me to feel fullfilled.
Yes, I think I am ready for love, once again. I've taken
the Summer off, well the entire year really. MAYBE, just
maybe I'm ready now.
It's hard to feel normal as a Single in a world of Pairs.
Even at dinner tonight I told my parents that someday it
would be four of us at the table again, perhaps sometime
soon I will find a significant other.
Thoughts keep drifting back to That Boy, The One, the only
one I've ever really loved. Hard not to miss him sometimes.
Can't believe it is still this way. Well it is, but all the
same it isn't. I will find another boy as good as he was to
me, and maybe this time we'll get somewhere rather then
ending up apart.
Just maybe I will not keep playing the scenes over in my
head, in the self-destructive shape I have been. I will not
wallow in the sorrow of having loved and lost, wishing I'd
never loved at all. I will love again. Again I will be,