2002-09-22 23:21:46 (UTC)


ohh I am so stupid. I can't believe I used the word
retarded. I am retarded for saying that. I feel awful. Both
Andrea and Amanda have a sibling with a disability. How
could I be so inconciderate? I feel terrible. I wish I
could take it back. I wish I had taken it back right away.
I wish I could appologize. But I feel stupid doing that. I
can't speak. I shouldn't be allowed to. There is no filter
in my brain. I guess in some instances that is good. But
among the Delta Zetas and many others it isn't. Why can't I
just keep my mouth shut? I am such a jerk.
On top of all of that, I feel hatred toward everyone right
now. Kristin, whom I normally love, is just irritating me.
I know it's just because I'm stressed and frustrated and
upset with myself. But I feel horrible for thinking to
myself "God, just shut up. I need to think about more
important things that the make gender right now."
I also am slow on my work. I should have been practicing
all weekend. I should have done my MPT450 reading. I guess
I'll do it tonight. I also need to do my accounting
homework. I hate accounting. It's so dry and tiring. And
it's a night class, which doesn't help.
And I want so badly to get an A in Music Management Core,
but I have this terrible feeling I'm going to fail
miserably. I have no faith in myself.
I'm a horrible girlfriend to Brent. I've only been dating
him about a week and I already need my space. It's mostly
because he distracts me from my work, which sucks. I wish I
could sit down and do my work with him or something
I need some people to study with and do homework with. That
helps me a lot. I need to do my work at the kitchen table.
But our kitchen table is broken, so I can't. It's too hot
in this place. I can't concentrate, and when I go to the
library I have to walk back in the dark, alone. I'm not a
totally scaredy cat, but I don't want to go out of my way
to get myself in trouble. I just need to concentrate. I
needed someone to talk to, but I guess this is the best I'm
going to get. Thanks