le soleil et la lune
2001-07-26 05:39:39 (UTC)

Damn emotions

I went to my godfather Grady's funeral today. I think he
was throwing buckets of water down form heaven because they
put his nickname "smiley" on everything, and he hated to be
called that. I balled my eyes out for the majority of the
day. When I finally got to go out tonight I went to go
find Tiffani and CJ, expecting to find the support I
neededm b/c I knew I wasn't done crying for the night.
Neither one of them were there. Turns out CJ was out with
several people I am not exactly best friends with at some
party. Tiffani had been getting gas. You know,
considering that I spent the entire day surrounded by the
thought of Grady's death I would have figured that the
least CJ could have done was e-mail me or something. SO I
drove home and sat there in a sort of depressed daze until
the phone rang, and I talked to Tiffani and Katie. I think
I pissed CJ off though. He got done telling me all about
his day on IM, how he was out with all these people who
talk about him the minute his back is turned, and how he
was partying and all this good stuff, so now on top of
feeling depressed, I felt like a loser, and I felt
unimportant. He asked why I didn't call his cell, and I
very bitterly responded that I was SOOOOO sure that he
would have dropped what he was doing to be there for me. I
guess as one of my best friends I just assumed he'd be
there for me magically whenever I needed him, but I should
know by now that there is no such thing as magic, and it is
very rare to find a truly dependable friend. I guess that
is just one of the things I will have to get used to next
year. Some of my friends will only be there for me if it
is convenient for them. I hope that this prediction is