as the Oval turns
2001-07-26 04:45:15 (UTC)

Four and a half more weeks to go...

Okay, so one of my supervisors just about chewed me up and
spit me out for, of all things, chilling on the job...which
I do know is bad, but it's always done and it's not just
me. But man, that's embarrassing. I'm usually the one
doing stuff in the office, and for the days I was chilling,
it wasn't even chilling, it was just that the girl that
normally works in there was gone for the week for midterms.
Considering my hefty midterm and term paper schedule, I
should have done the same thing...but I don't live at home
so I need the dinero. So I wasn't totally slacking, but I
feel like I don't want that to reflect on me all
negatively, although I am leaving in a month anyway when
the quarter ends. It bothered me b/c I've never been chewed
out for slacking in all my years of working anywhere. I'm
not a slacker, I take pride in my work. On top of that,
I'm like the only black person working in that office, and
I don't want them looking at what they see as slacking and
categorizing my whole race. But heck, I don't know what
happened. The job is usually stress-free, but that was
kind of out of the sky, and although I can see why maybe he
said something, the way it came out I don't feel was
necessary, especially when I had already spoke to the
person I was doing the work for, and I am very close to
being finished. I don't want to be all standoffish or
anything like that, but that did leave a bad taste in my
mouth, and frankly, that pissed me off. I just pray that
God will make things bearable there. When I got off of
work I went home and took a nice hot shower. Ewwww. I
think that some people have lost their minds, it's too hot
outside...just 4 1/2 more weeks to go...

And then Pacey's just's like I know something's
up w/him and Esther. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to
figure that out. I don't know what the big deal is,
especially since Pacey's not my man, he never was, and I
don't want him to be. But it's like he's all acting like
they don't talk, and Esther is to some extent, but she's
spilling some beans, like the whole IM name thing and the
convo in which he stated his qualifications for him being
my friend. Excuse my language, but he is a royal asshole.
Given the fact that I've already told him a long time ago
that it's better to be honest than to try to spare my
feelings, he still chooses to be all dumb-acting, and has
the nerve to think that I should have told him all there is
to know about me...he's sitting up here still up under
Esther and probably has been nonstop since spring quarter
freshman year, but wanted to front, yet he thinks I'm going
to tell him my business. I never tell a man half my
business, b/c where I've been is different than where I'm
going. So he's going to judge me by what little he sees,
claim to know all about me, and then when he gets busted
and called out, then he concedes that "I don't know your
private life and I don't know you personally." Ain't that
a bitch? But remember, back in April, he claimed that it
wasn't my looks keeping us apart, but it was certain
aspects of my personality. But hey, he doesn't know me,
right? Yo, Broke Pacey, it doesn't follow. And he's still
trying his mojo on Esther and at the same time trying to
have me hanging here thinking I'm on his jock. Doesn't his
dick feel a little lighter these days? It's like he wants
someone to fill his ego. Sorry soldia, I'm not the one.

It's ironic when a man who's trying to find himself is
trying to define you.