camicazy

Meshed Up
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2002-09-22 08:43:32 (UTC)

good skool

ick. feel sleepy and tired and ugly today.

i suppose i don't want her to be better than me. she
alerady has everything: looks, brains, grace, heart...and i
well..have nothing much really except for the fact that
some people believe i'm smarter than her. which is so
untrue.

it's just me. there are two things that we can do: destroy
our spirit by trying to be someone else, or simply accept
ourselves.

it's hot hot hot. spring break is officially here but no
wild parties for me. just stay put and catch up with
friends and do as much work as possible.

can't really think of much. i am consumed by my jealousy
and self-pity. don't know why i had to have such gorgeous
sisters. and don't know why i had to have a fucked up
attitude towards this matter.

even when i was pretty i was ugly.
even when i was pretty, i got my share of verbal abuse from
people who outrightly said that i was ugly.
even when i was pretty i had people tell me they couldn't
believe i was related to my sisters.

it is bittersweet to be home. a feeling of love and
familiarity sweeps over me. yet a part of me longs to be
far away. to be away from all those who remind me of all
the things that i am not.

'at least you've found people who are attracted to you
because of who you are and not because of how you look. my
ex once wrote me a letter that pissed me off. he wrote, i
love you because you're gorgeous.'

i have realized that beautiful people are still people.

are good looking people on the losing end because others
like them for their appearance and not because of who they
are?

'love is a game that should not be played in account of
darkness.'


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