Str8 Girl, Interrupted

My Life is a Drama....
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2001-07-26 04:10:24 (UTC)


I had every intention of going to bed early these next few
nights to get back in the swing of getting up early, since
I might have a job next week. I'll more than likely be
working mornings, so I need to get used to it again. I
have my days and nights screwed up soooo badly. I don't go
to bed until 5 am sometimes and that will so not work if I
have to be up for work at 7 or 8. Hopefully, my life will
be back to normal soon. I feel so jumbly right now. Going
here, there and everywhere but where I'm supposed to be.

So, yes, I did PLAN on going to bed at 11, in fact I was
almost asleep, but the damn phone rang and low and was none other than Buck. He wanted me to come
over, cuz he was lonely. Now, how cute is that? Seemed
truly sad I wouldn't be coming over. I told him to give me
a call tomorrow. He felt really bad for waking me up...I
told him it was cool...and actually contemplated going over
there after he said he was lonely, but then I thought about
it. There was no way I was gonna get up and get dressed
and go over there...Luckily he understood and took the
iniative to say he'd call tomorrow. He's not what he makes
himself out to be. He's much more caring...

Back to the title of this entry, "intentions"...I truly
need to get the guts to ask Buck what his intentions are
with me. I'm scared to do so, because what if he tells me
something I don't want to hear. I don't want another guy telling
me they don't want a relationship and blah blah...when what
they really mean is, I don't want a relationship with you.
Hmmm...why can't they just be up front in the beginning and
save me the time and embarrassement. I mean, I don't know
if Buck will say that...but I'm honestly living in fairy
tale land if I think Buck and I will be anything more than
we already are. Truthfully, that doesn't upset me too
much. I mean, he's way out of my league in the first place
and everything that has happened has blown my
maybe, just maybe...things will work out differently. Who
knows? I guess, I won't know till I ask. But if I do ask,
and hear something that I don't want to...will it all
end...or continue? Will I even want it to continue? I
prolly would, cuz he's like this never-ending puzzle for
me. Mysterious people intrigue me to no end... I mean,
when I first met him, I knew his name was Buck. I didn't
know anything else, besides the fact that him and Lennie
were good friends. Now, it's like, sometimes, I think I
know more about him then Lennie does. Tonight the last
piece of his full name puzzle was gathered. His name is
Joshua Buck Harrison. So, little by little, I will piece
him together...find out what makes him tick...but after I
find out everything...will I get bored or not like what I
find out? Or will I fall hopelessly in love with the
person I've discovered? I guess we'll have to wait to find
out and time will only tell. Well, this entry was way too
long! :) bye all

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