starrynite1226

The Story of Me
2001-07-26 03:54:31 (UTC)

A little bit of everything

Good Evening World!!

Not much new, but then again, there never really is. I was
supposed to go and help my mom with work tonight, but I
conveniently fell asleep before she went. Something about
this heat makes me tired. I'm sure that holds true for
everyone though. And I've been doing my best not to get
dehydrated. I've been drinking TONS of water. If water
really has no taste, then why doesn't it taste better?
Sorry, one of my random thoughts.

On the agenda for tomorrow...you guessed it...running!!
Yay! I really have no clue what possessed me to even start
going running. Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly. But now
that I've started, I don't want to quit. For two
reasons...One...I'm not a quitter. And two...As much as I
feel like shit right now, I know that in a week or so my
body will adjust itself to the torture that I am putting it
through and maybe someday I can get into the shape that I
want to be in.

I haven't worked out in a long time. I haven't even
attempted it since I had a little run in with the exercise
bikes at school...since then I've steered away from them. I
still have scars. So running is just a start. I don't want
to over-do it. Right now my legs are really achy. All the
way from my toes to my butt. And if I decided to do any
upper body work, that would be a whole other muscle group
in pain. I'll give it a week or so, I don't know. Too early
to tell. I don't even know how long I will keep with the
running.

Hmmm...what else? Oh okay.

Have you ever had someone like you with such an intensity
that they don't give up? Well, if you don't quite know what
I mean, let me tell you...

I won't mention names...but this guy that I know, I'm
friends with him. I've known him since I was in 7th
grade...that's about 7 years or so that I've known him.
So...I guess he took a liking to me early on in our
friendship, and instead of his feeling diminishing over time,
they have intensified. I don't know of any other way to
tell him that I don't feel the same way about him as he
does about me. I've tried being friendly, I've told him
that I wouldn't want to jeopardize out friendship for
something that ultimately wouldn't work out in the end.
I've told him that he is like a brother to me, and the
thought of becoming romantically involved with him is
seriously repulsive (okay I left out the repulsive part,
but you get the idea). He thinks that it's all a line, or
some excuse or whatever. It's not. I don't date my friends.
Only in rare instances of course, but I won't go into that.
Anyway, I'm way off the topic. I was talking to this friend
online last night, and he asked me if I wanted to go out. I
thought he was kidding, and I said no. I would have said no
even if he wasn't kidding. But he was serious, and i guess
I hurt his feelings. He tried to take the easy way out of
it and told me that he was uncomfortable and would talk to
me later. Well, I made him talk about it. I feel bad for
the guy. I know what it's like to have feelings for someone
and not have them feel the same way for me. I've dealt with
rejection. It's all part of life and human nature. So I
told him flat out that I will never feel the same way about
him, I can't force myself to like him. It's impossible. I
know it's kinda mean to say, but what else was I supposed
to do? He told me that even the smallest thing...like
holding my hand or cuddling or whatever would mean the
world to him because he feels comfortable around me. Good,
you are supposed to be comfortable around your friends, and
I tried to tell him that something like that would make me
totally uncomfortable, and I don't like to surround myself
in uncomfortable situations.

But ultimately nothing got settled. I'm not mad or
anything, I can't tell him how he should or should not feel
about me. I'm just upset that he keeps bringing up the
subject when he knows things will not change.

Okay, I've written enough for this entry. If I think of
anything else to write, then I will be back before I go to
bed...aren't you excited?

Until then...Good luck and God bless