My thoughts exactly...
2001-07-26 02:19:36 (UTC)

a sighting today

Well, I have a few minutes now, and I wanted to put in a
story that I wanted to keep in memory. Nothing really that
spectacular, but now that this tool is at my disposal, I
figure, hey why not.

OK let's move on to definition 2 of the crush... (see
previous entry) I went out to the mall today and had to
pick up some supplies for my office. I was walking around
looking for everything - pens, envelopes, folders - all the
normal supply stuff.

As I was heading toward the back of the store, one of the
workers was going toward the front registers. I sort of
glanced, then it turned to somewhat of a hidden stare.
(Meaning, I didn't really stare obviously, but I looked
*long enough*) :-) Oh, did I not say- it was a guy. Well,
he intrigued me. I thought I saw him look back at me from
the corner of his eye.

I finished picking supplies up, and I sort of looked around
to see if I could catch a quick look at him again. No
luck. I headed to the register to check out, and I saw
some guys in the front office. Couldn't tell if any of
them were him.

The manager asked the girl at the register to page someone
to help a customer. A few seconds later, someone comes out
of the office. I don't even know if it was the same guy I
scoped out earlier- but now this guy definitely caught my
eye. I tried not to stare- but I somewhat nonchalantly
looked his way. He came confidently strutting out of the
office toward me, then we made eye contact, and he gave me
the acknowledging nod with a little smirk on his face. I
nodded back with a "Hey" and walked out of the store, all
cool like.

I got into my car and exclaimed, "Damn!" I gloated in the
moment for a few minutes. OK, sure, this guy was just
being cool and polite. But I kept telling myself, "Yeah..
he looked at me.." Shit.

So I may or may not have to make a trip to that supply
store again. It's not the one I normally go to, but it's
close enough to where I live. We'll see if I can control
myself next time around.


Well of course I can. I've been doing this for years.
Hiding that male attraction feeling and acting like nothing
is abnormal. Just as long as my inside feelings don't get
carried away and I get all excited.

It's not the first time I've had a feeling like that. I'll
have to share more some other time. I feel like I'm being
defensive when I'm about to say, there'll be stories about
girls and guys. Sometimes I tend to look at guys more, but
maybe only because it's the hidden part of me. The
attraction to girls comes normally, so I don't have to
brag. I think getting the guy feeling thing off my chest
helps me let go of it. Or anything secretive for that

Alright I'm rambling again.