Counter-X

Thoughts
2002-09-21 16:21:10 (UTC)

On the road again

Hey journal its mike. I know its been a long time since
i've written in you but you know how things go when life
decides to throw itself at you whether your ready to catch
it or not. Well I thought I was finally settled into a
permanant place but that wasn't true because now my roomate
has a job down in florida and he leaves the 30th. That
gives me 9 days to find a place i can afford. I still don't
have a car and lately i've been feeling like i'm being mad
used and under appreciated at work. Maybe its just my
paranoia but hey what else am I supposed to think
considering the paycheck i've been getting these past few
weeks. I know i'll be ok but with me being bi-polar and not
being on my medication there is a higher risk of me
slipping into a panic attack and that is the last thing i
need right now. Everything will be ok. This is just god's
way of testing my will to fight on and my faith that in the
end all the figthing and struggling shall pay off whether
on earth or in heaven.
Today i'm gonna be going out to look for a place that i
can afford and that is in a decent neighbohood. I'll have
some guys able to move in with me but they won't be able to
until december so i gotta find my opwn place until then. It
seems that every time I turn around something is there to
make me rethink my whole outlook on life. Courtney is back
in town this weekend and I would like to see her but right
now that would be the biggest waste of time, and time i
have very little of right now. It would be a waste because
how can I think about seeing her when i have made
absolutely no changes. I also think that she has probably
found another guy that she likes and I understand he doing
so. I still hold her in my heart and I will be here in four
years when she gets out of college. Not saying we will be a
couple again but I will see her one more time before I
leave to Mass. to pursue my dream and eventually achieve my
goal of being a great wrestler. Jennifer gave me some
advice that at this point was the best I could have taken.
She told me that I need to focus on something that I truly
want and do whatever I must to achieve it. She has been my
biggest support and one day I will repay her in some way.
One day I will be able to payback everyone that has helped
me. My band isn't going anywhere right now but to tell the
honest truth I could give a rat's ass about band bullshitt.
It seems that some of the guys in the band who I might add
are still in high school haven't exactly realized that
right now I can't give very much to the band. Jeff seems
like the only one who actually understands that band is the
last thing on my mind. I don't care if they kick me out
because what anyone thinks about what I'm doing or what i'm
not doing matters very little because I've realized that in
life the only people you have to truly answer to are
yourself and God. Thats as simple as it gets.
Well, thats a decent amount of my thoughts right now
and its time that i get my day going so I'm not sure when
i'll be able to write again but as soon as i get a chance I
will.
Chickenwing sighning out.




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