ICanOnlyBeHele3

Sunday July 22- Tuesday July 24,2001

*Time: 5:51pm its Wesnday so what... I'm writing for the
past few dayz
*Wearing: My white and red button down shirt and white
shorts
*Jewelry:My cross neckless, my nugget ring, my cross ring,
my 2 bracletes... ::sniff:: my fav one broke, and my white
silver earring... which I always have on also... but always
forget bout
*Hair: down messed up
*Listenin to : The sound of traffic
*Eating/Drinkin: nothing
*Song of the day : Wait A Minute-Ray J
*Weather: Umm... it has been hot,rainy, sunny, and cool all
the days that I haven't wrote lol
*Talking to : no one I'm under my sercet sn
*Mood: Umm... actually for most of the days I have been
happy... but also I have been angry/depressed
*Thinking: Umm... damn I forgot what happened Sunday... lol
let's hope I can remember what I did all the other days....

~~~Sunday July 22,2001~~~

Umm... sry to say I don't think anything really happened
cuz I don't remember anything... I tell u the past few days
have seemed like one really long day... I have been sorta
in a dream world lately and I dunno why.... yay after writing bout
what happened on Monday I remember sumthing that happened Sunday...
see Jack had called me... and we were talkin.... and yes just to tell
u... we still do have phone sex... and see this night when we did
it... it was soo... umm magical... lol cuz he was actually makin
noise and he called my name which he has never done... he later on
told me that it really did feel like I was there with him... and I
tell u... that Boy sounds so damn good!!!!! Hehe he also told me that
we never broke up... and that he only took a break... I was like ohh
really thanks for tellin me that... I didn't know... lol and I guess
were going to hook up again... but he is just waitin to see if things
will work out or not... hehe so wish me luck... cuz since the day he
well umm.... took a break he has been soo sweet to me... and we
haven't got into any fights... besides from when I was at Renee's and
we sorta got into one last night.....but we worked it out... so I
dunno I know he likes me and all.... and he knows I like him and
would do anything for him...we just gotta figure out how we r going
to stop getting into stupid fights....

~~~Monday July 23,2001~~~

Umm... I think this was the day I woke up and saw Justin
and Renee at my grams... so I hung out with Justin... hehe
ok let me tell u what all happened... Well Justin was
looking hot as always...and he was like following me every
where I went... he got online for like 2 minutes... then he
signed off and we were talking and stuff... well on this
day the weather was REALLY bad thats why Renee had came
upstairs... so while it was raining me and Justin were
outside standin in the rain... and since we both had white
shirts on... u could see everything we had... lol well
after getting really wet me and Justin headed back up
stairs... and we just messed around and acted crazy as
usual... well then I was like I'm going to take my
shower... and he was like aight... so I took it... and got
out and started to get ready... and Justin was watchin me
fix my hair and put on sum make-up... lol and then he
started to roll up his shirt and hit me in the ass with
it... which now there is a briuse there now... lol so when
he did that... I hit his ass with my hand... hehe what can
I say I was touchin him a lot... even more so when he took
off his shirt... I was like touchin his tummy and stuff...
hehe well anywho... at sum point Justin laid on our bed...
and I was like ohh baby... hehe I was being really
nice/flirty with him... callin him sweetie, baby, and all
kinds of other names... and touchin him like crazy... hehe
but anyway... he was layin on his tummy on my bed... which
his knees on the floor... so I sat there looking at his
bare back... and after like 1 minute I couldn't take it
anymore and I began to take my index finger and run it down
the middle of his back... and when I came near his ass....
I moved my finger back up... I traced my finger along the
top of his boxers.... so I was sorta giving him this flirty
type of back massage... then I started to play with his
neck and stuff... and he never said one word to me... so
I'm guessin he liked it... hehe Well after I did that for
like 20 minutes... Renee paged me so I could tell Justin
that she wanted to go... so I had asked my mom if I could
go with them... and she was like ok... I was like yay and I
made Justin(by the way Justin is my cousin by marriage)
wait for me while I told my gram I was going with
them....so when we all got in the car... I keep touchin his
neck and back... and also blowin air on his neck... and he
still never said anything... I asked him if he cared that I
was touchin him... and all he said was no... so I keep
on... and the reason I gave for touchin his back was cuz of
his tattoo..which I also had traced my finger across when I
gave him that back massage... hehe Well anywho me and Renee
got onto the subject of people bein bi... and I told Justin
that I was like that...all he said was ohh thats cool...
and Renee told me that he looked totally freaked out when I
told him that... but hey he didn't seem to care.... lol So
me,Justin, and Renee drove around for a while and headed
back to her house at like 8 I think it was... So I just sat
there until like 8:30pm... and Renee asked me if I wanted
to stay there while her,Bear, and Judy went out driving...
I was like ok sure... and they left... So it was me, Joe,
Ce Ce, and Justin left at the house... and like out of no
where Joe started to beg me to stay the night... he was
like when r u going to come over here and spend the night
with your cousins... cuz I miss u... I was like I dunno...
and he was like well your going to stay tonight... I was
like umm I gotta ask my mom... and he was like Justin get
off the phone Helena needs to use it...and this was before
I even told him that I would... lol I think Ce Ce got mad
at Joe tho cuz when he was askin me... well I should say
begging me to stay the night... she was like Joe u never
ask me to stay the night.. or want me to stay the night
that bad... so he gave her this look like.. well am I
supposed to? lol... I was like opps... it's not my fault he
wants me to stay the night... well at 9 sumthing Joe wanted
to take Ce Ce home... and I went with him... and while in
the car... he kept sayin Helena u gotta stay the night...
please please... I want u to go with me and Ce Ce
tomorrw... please please stay the night... I was like ok ok
I will!!! and he was like yes!!! I love u!! I was like well
damn I love u 2... and Ce Ce got another one of them mad
looks... and he looked over at her and said that he loved
her 2... I tell ya I felt so loved cuz that was like the
only time Joe has ever told me that he loved me... lol Well
anywho... Joe was driving all extra fast and crap... and he
fianlly got to Ce Ce's house... and as me and him were
pullin out... I reached over and turned down the radio...
he looked at me... and said what don't u like loud music? I
was like yeah I do that's not why I turned it down... he
was like ok and turned it back up... and I reached over and
turned it back down... and looked at him.. and was like Joe
can I tell u sumthing... he was like yeah go on... I was
like well I told Justin this eariler and he will probably
tell u anyway... but I wanted to tell u face to face before
he did... he was like umm... ok what is it... I was like
well do u remember that I told u Andria was bi? He was like
yeah... I go ok.. I dunno how to say this... but I'm also
like that... He looked over at me with this shocked face
and said... well Helena that's cool... lol I was like umm
ok... I'm startin to think guys like the idea of that...
lol But anyway... he then stopped at his ex gurlfriend's
house to talk to her... and I was like ohh player... lol
and when we left from there he went to this boy's Tevor's
house...and when he came out... he turned the radio down...
and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies... I was like
umm sure which movie and who all is going... he was like I
dunno which movie...and it would be me, u, Justin, Tevor,
Tevor's sister, and one of Tevors friends... I was like ok
sure... and we headed back home.. and he called Renee to
see if we could go... she said ok... and then she came home
gave them money... and me,Joe, and Justin headed to Tevor's
house to pick them up... well Tevor's friend didn't come...
but hey that's a good thing.... hehe Tevor was sorta
cute... and his sister was to... hehe so we got to the
movies... and we went to see the Mummy Returns... but we
were like 15 minutes late... but ohh well it was still a
good movie... and here is how we were siting in there... it
was Justin, me, Joe, Tevor, and Tevor's sister... I was
like well damn why do I have to sit in between them... lol
I was like in heaven.. cuz during the movie... we keep
bumpin into each other... and even at one point... I put my
hand on Joe's leg... hehe and he didn't say anything to
me... so that was all good.... lol The movie was pretty
good... I mean hey I liked it cuz I love anything to go
with Egypt.... lol So after the movie we dropped Tevor and
his sister off at home... and me, Joe, and Justin got home
at 11:55pm... So we all sat around talked and then I
decided to call Jack... well I talked to him for like 2
minutes... and the phone's battery went low... so I told
him I would call him back later.... so at 12:30 Joe and Justin went
downstairs to go to sleep... and I called Jack back... and I think he
got a little mad cuz I was out with Joe and Justin :::shakes her
head:: cuz at one time when Justin came back upstairs cuz he wasn't
feeling well... I told Jack I had to watch what I said cuz Justin was
watchin me... and Jack was like yeah he is probably checkin u out...
I was like yeah maybe... lol and Jack was like I'm going to kick his
ass... I was like umm why? and he goes I dunno I just am... and from
what he was sayin he was going to kick the ass of anyone who checked
me out... so I was like well umm do I belong to do and r we going out
anymore? and he was like no... I was like ok then U don't need to be
sayin anything like that... but anywho... Jack got mad at me and hung
up on me... and I began to cry and yell at him when I called him
back.. Justin was still layin on the couch lookin and listenin to
me... and I was sayin how I loved Justin cuz he was so sweet to me
and stuff... I dunno me and Jack talked until 4:30 that night.... and
he told me that I have a little piece of his heart... I was like
awe... and u have a peice of mine also.... it was so sweet cuz he
started over.... and he kept talkin dirty to me and teasin me cuz I
could'nt say anything dirty back... cuz Justin was there.... so after
me and Jack hung up... Justin had feel asleep... I was like damn that
boy took my bed... lol so i ended up sleepin on the love seat... and
that was that day... now onto what happened Tuesday....

~~~Tuesday July 24,2001~~~

Ok... yesterday was a crazy ass day... well see I got up at 9am
sumthing... after being woke up at 7 and 8... well Justin was still
feeling sick... and I guess Joe got into a little fight with Ce Ce...
well when Judy had to go to the doctor... I went with Joe, Ce Ce, and
Judy so I could stop by my house and get sum clean clothes and take
my shower....so while me, Joe, and Ce Ce were waiting for Judy... Joe
was acting crazy... lol he was like singing this love song to Ce
Ce... and then he looked back at me and sung sum of it to me to...
lol I was like awe I feel loved.... lol It was like really hot in the
car... so Joe was like lets go in and wait for her... so we did...
and when Judy got called in.... Joe and Ce Ce were kissin... and then
he looked at me and acted like he wanted me to kiss him... I would've
to... if Ce Ce wasn't there... but since she was... I was like nah
that's ok... I'll pass... and I put my head on the wall and
laughed... we were havin sum fun... that's one thing bout Joe(also my
cousin by marrige... he is Justin's twin bro) and Justin... they
always have u laughin.... bur anywho... after Judy got out of the
doctor office... we headed to my house so I could ask my mom if I
could stay the night at Renee's again... and she like went off on
me.... and I started to cry... well Joe was tryin to talk to my
mom... and I walked over to grams to get Judy's money.... and just as
I was walkin out... I ran into Joe and I gave him the money... and he
was like ok... thanks I'll see u later... I was like ok bye.. and I
know he could tell that I was cryin... that's why he left so fast :(
So I got totally pissed off at my mom and went into my bedroom and
began to sumwhat cut myself with 2 push-pins.... ::sighs:: I'm stupid
i know... but later that day my mom said that she was sorry... I was
like yeah ok whatever... but we got along the rest of the day....
Well since David was drunk he couldn't go to work so he came home and
went to bed... while my mom and me were packin sum stuff up... and
then later that night... when I talked to Andria.... she had paged me
911... to tell me that sumone was stalkin her... I was like damn...
and she went on to tell me that on the exact same date a few years
ago... this Latin King memeber Tony... was killed by this other gang
called the GD's... and I when me,Renee, and Jr went out to do
sumthing.... I saw that all the Kings were out in Hammond... so I
told Andria that... and she told me that all the gangs were in like
this battle thing... cuz of what happened to Tony I guess...and from
there on in... the night was crazy... cuz when I went outside I heard
cops cars, the fire trucks, dogs barking, and even gun shoots... well
I told the rest of my family what was going on.... and when I was at
grams... me, her, and Jr heard this big... boom... which was like
right outside our window... and I was still on the phone with Andria
cuz she was like scared out of her mind.... so I went outside to see
what that sound was... and all I saw was this gray van siting in our
alley.... in front of the guys house that lives next door... then I
saw the van take off really fast... I was like damn there them damn
gangs go again with that house...see last year I think it was... gang
memebers set that house on fire... cuz the guys son used to be in a
gang...I dunno where the boy is... and I'm guessin the gangs killed
him... but whatever that noise was last night.... I just hope it was
nothing bad... cuz not to long after the noise... a fire truck drove
by... I tell u... I was scared out of my mind... cuz I know that the
Latin Kings know who I am from Andria...and most of them don't like
me... but anywho... at 11:30pm I think it was I called Jack's cell
phone...and he told me to call him back at 12pm cuz I guess his house
phone's battery went dead... so I did... and we ended up talkin to
like 5 this mouring.... but we also got into a little fight last
night.... but I think we worked it out.... ohh yeah I called him at
12... but he wasn't really payin attention to me... and he told me
that he would call me back at 2:30am cuz then everyone else in the
house would be asleep... but I ended up callin him at 3am... and his
damn phone battery went dead again after like 30 mintues...but he had
me call his cell phone... but before I did... I umm... played with
myself for him... and let him hear the noise that I was makin down
there... but it seemed like he didn't care... and I started to feel
really bad.... and I told him that... I felt like a whore... and he
was like why? I go I dunno... and he was like well don't feel like
that... and I was like I can't help it... and he was like well your
my whore... LOL I was like ohh am I? and he was like yeah.... and I
was also cryin cuz I did that for him... and he didn't really
care...but he tried to make me feel better.... and I forgot all of
that else what was said... so that's all I'm going to say bout our
little talk.... ohh yeah I forgot to meantion sum things.... I asked
Jack if he liked me for me... or just for sex... and he said both...
and he also has told me that everytime he talks to me... it seems
like my voice turns him on... and I guess no other gurl has ever done
that to him.... So I guess he likes me for me... but sex also plays a
big role.. and that really bothers me.... He also told me that he
only has really stong feelings for his ex Heather... but he also
said that he has feelings for me... but I still felt bad... u know
what I mean? Cuz he proabably won't ever have feelings for me like he
does for Heather... but hey what can I do... that's how life is... at
least he does admit that he does like me... butI sorta nag to much...
so I gotta quit with that... but anywho enough bout Jack... u can
understand what I'm tryin to say... so on with the rest of my entry...

~~~Andria~~~

U know its odd that Andria has been callin me everyday... a few
times a day... I'm so happy that she is my friend.... I mean yeah in
the past we have had our share of fights... but in the end we have
always became better friends... and without her... I dunno where I
would be in my life.... I'm just so thankful for her!!!

~~~John~~~

Omg... I haven't talked to John for a long time... and I seriouly
don't know how much longer our online relationship will last.... cuz
from Kelly was tellin me he is feeling really depressed and he feels
like he isn't there for me... but he is... I'm the one that hasn't
been there for him... I feel so bad cuz I'm cheatin on him... and he
desevers sumone so much better then me.... I just hope I get to talk
to him today.... cuz I'm really starting to miss him....

~~~Bobby from PalTalk~~~

Ohh yeah I got my letter from Bobby yesterday... and it seems like
he really likes me...and after I read his letter I felt so bad cuz
I'm also playin him... cuz I really don't like him as a boyfriend...
but I can't bring myself to tell him that.... :::sighs::: what am I
going to do?? I have to write him back later on... and I'm going to
ask him how can he like love me from what he is sayin to me... when
he don't even hardly know me... u know what I mean???

~~~Sam~~~

Ok... Sam... one of my best guy friends online (he lives in the
UK)... I have been in many fights with him... and treated him like
crap... I feel really bad for that... and I have told him I am
sry.... He has always been there for me when I needed sumone... and
he always brought my sprits up... and I know that he likes me in a
gurlfriend way.... cuz he has asked me out before... but anyway....
his gurlfriend Rachael just broke up with him... and now Sam wants to
start callin me on the phone and I know that he wants a
gurlfriend.... and I have a feeling he has an eye on me.... I tell ya
my life is soooooo crazy...

~~~Being Bi~~~

Well since that night Andria stayed over here... I have started to
go into bi chatrooms and talking to a lot of females.... and I tell
u... gurls r so much nicer then guys... hehe I tell U I love talking
to bi-sexual females... but they do seems to talk dirty a lot and
seem to send out dirty pics... but its all good... hehe I have yet to
get one bad comment bout my picture... and no it isn't dirty... all
it shows it like from my sholders up... lol

~~~Grrrrrrr~~~

Grrr.... lol since I have started to write this... my mom and uncle
have paged me 3 times... makin me get offline so I can call them
back... and its makin me mad!!!! lol.... but ohh well I'm almost done
now... hehe and besides Jr brought me back sum food from
Rally's....hehe

~~~My mom~~~

Ohh yeah.... my mom's b-day is on July 26... and i didn't get her
anything :( I dont have any money to... but still I feel bad :( :(
Maybe I can figure sumthing out by tomorrow.....

~~~I'm going to Bizounce~~~

Well that's bout all for now.... I think I wrote bout everything
that happened if not.. when I remember it... I will be sure to add
it.... I'm going to go eat my food, watch sum tv, get back online to
read my mail... and then call Jack... hehe yeah I'm soo busy huh...
lol peace and b wild to all!!!

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