A Ballad of Excellent Destruction
Ad 0:
2001-07-25 22:48:59 (UTC)

currents moving slow

i don't know the out come of what could happen to me, or
even if I'm going to get to bask in the stipulations of a
better day. as i didn't want to wake up to day, sleeping
until 11:00 today i kept waking up but didn't want to rise
from my bed, its kind of sad, my lack of self worth in this
pretentious sink hole i call life. I should be starting
another job soon, well if i can get up there, its putting
faith in others, so i hope it all goes well. Most of the
time people just tell me things and don't carry out with
them, but i have faith in this friend, i know that if i
need something 90 % of the time he come through. i needed
no help before, that only because i started off from the
beginning, it was easier then it is now, but the
circumstances of my misfortune and not of my own. I still
dream about that night i went to philly and watched my car
become a smear on a jersey wall, i have a reoccurring
notion of smashing his face in, he ruined my life, while he
still sits back in his house with his government check,
getting paid to stay home because hes a psycho fuck. still
recounting all the pressure i had felt after this, even
thoe i had to threaten his life to get any amount of money
from him, still didn't help me...

i wish and i hope, trying to over come the short comings of
my life, i just need the less of the hurt to suppress my
shoulders, a weight i cant comply with, i know others have
it worse off then i do. My loss is just the beginning of
what could be, the future i strive for is the only thing
that keeps me alive, knowing that maybe my art or music
will further my quest to better enrichments. I don't wish
my epitaph to be "Jeff the man who died accomplishing
nothing". i wish a simpler life, all i want to do is
further my tattooing and one day open up my own shop. i
need my car, need a good job, all this will follow