2001-07-25 22:06:58 (UTC)

JULY 15, 2001

TODAY...was kind of a boring day i woke up at about 12 and
then i got online...ate breakfast...then me and andrea just
chilled and waited for jason to come over...then jason left
and we layed out for a little while...then we watched
dances with wolves for her history class which is a VERY
boring movie if u ask me!!! tonight were going to go eat at
chili's where jason works lol they are attached at the ass
hole! but owell....i'm having alot of fun here in virginia
but i also have been doing alot of thinking about my
jason :( i miss him sooo much and i've never liked
anyone as much as i like him and it's kILLING me the fact
that i cant have him?!?!!?:( and he has NO idea the effect
he has on me....when he says the littlest things i find
myself holding on to the comments....and i am DEFINTELY the
LAST person who lets guys have an affect on them!! or a
serious one at least!!! i have always had boyfriends and
liked guys but NOT the way i liked jason! i liked him way
more than any of my other boyfriends so it makes it hard
when he keeps leading me on aand telling me one moment he
wants to get back together with me and the next moment no
he doesnt:( he puts me on this emotional roller
coaster...and he can make me the saddest person in the
world one minute and the happiest the next...adn i don't
think he knows this but...i don't know!?!?!? it makes me so
mad. he is the LAST person i would have EVER thought i
would have this much feeling for! he has tryed to get with
me a couple times before this year adn i just didn't like
him.... but then when i finally went out with him he had
this little affect on me and i REALLY grew feelings for
him! then he BROKE UP WITH ME!!! and i got REALLY depressed
and i have never really gotten depressed over what a guy
has said or done to me so it was really strange:( then i
got over him and i started talking to him again and then
the whole feelings all came back:( then he finds out from a
friend taht i still have feelings for him and he wants to
break up with his girlfriend and get back together???? so
what am i supposed to do....let myself go through that
again??????? i dunno????? so i say that i want to get back
wtih him just to go for it...and then a week later he tells
me NO! he doesn't want to get back to gether????:( so there
i go back to being depressed!!! anyways this is a never
ending problem with me and jason so it is unsolved and will
be for a VERY long time:(