MLCG

Wednesday, July 25th

Well, I got a nice surprise yesterday driving home. I was
beside this guy right after I got across the bridge from
downtown, about 30 minutes from home. He smiled at me and
then we played "follow the leader", all the way home, he
was so beautiful. Great eyes and smile, and a goatee---I
love a man with a goatee. So we waved and smiled at each
other all the way up Route 3, then I turned off at a road
that split, so he followed and asked if I was married. I
told him no, and he smiled really big and said good. I
then turned off to go to the grocery store to get a few
things and he went on his way. He lives somewhere around
my area, I could tell from where he bought his truck. He
was driving a newer F150---I love guys with trucks. I
don't know why I said I wasn't married, maybe becasue I
don't feel married in my heart, I feel like I deserve a
chance to see if there is anyone around who wants me, I
think that would help me with my decisions to know there
are guys around worth dating. I hope I see him today!!

Then I have e-mailed with BAM the last two days, I wanted
him to hear about the boys from me directly instead of some
rumors that might be floating around. I also want to tell
him all about the other stuff too, but I feel the need to
tell him that in person. I need to see his reaction, I
need to see his eyes to know if it means anything to him at
all that my marriage could be over. He did suggest we go
out for drinks after the next board meeting, I thought
about it, but didn't want him to think that the only time I
talked to him was to ask him to go out drinking. He also
said he didn't know if he could coach if I wasn't there to
help him because I made things so easy for him, he just had
to worry about the kids and coaching. I told him I would
be happy to help him out or atleast "train" his new rep for
the fall. He is just such an awesome guy, coaching hockey
when he doesn't have any kids----doing it just for the love
of the game and the kids. I just cannot believe he has
been a bachelor his whole life, you would think that
someone would figure out what a great guy he is and snag
him up. I would love to snag him, age difference or no, I
think he would be GREAT with my son, and he is just so
sweet. When I e-mailed him about the boys, his reply
was "Things happen for a reason, some times it take awhile
to know that reason. I can't even imagine how you are
feeling, but I know what you did is something that won't be
forgotten in the future. Take Care!". It was that
simple, he knew he could not fully understand what I was
going through, but his words were heartfelt and
comforting. He is my "comfort zone" the one person I can
turn to and know that he isn't going to think less of me
for the way my life is. Maybe it is just the crush coming
out, that I think he is so wonderful, but all during hockey
season there was not a flaw I could find that I couldn't
live with.