My Thoughts
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2002-09-19 22:02:15 (UTC)

Getting Started

Well, this is the first entry I've made in my online diary.
I like typing so much better than writing in an actual
diary. My handwriting has gone downhill, consequently, but
I don't mind; I type nearly everything now.

I sometimes wonder if computers will replace pen and paper
entirely. I wouldn't care if they did. Yes, there is
something authentic and classic about writing something
out, but I think the most romantic and inspirational way to
write is with a type writer. I can just imagine sitting by
a fire, tapping out a play or a manuscript. Of course I
wouldn't make any mistakes. Haha. That would be horrible to
make a mistake on a type writer. Dad says they had some
white tape you would cover the mistake with, but I would
hate that. Computers are so easy!

School was great today. I had TV Production class, which is
one of my favorites! In the studio, we read off the
teleprompter and got to operate the cameras.

I guess I like school so much because of
school-ish it is! I love thinking of the different camera
shots I could use in the hallways and the different
characters that could stare in my movies. So many movies,
books, and TV shows are based on high school life, the
horrors and triumphs of an ordinary teenaged student.

High school has a wealth of people, groups, and clubs to
choose from. Tomorrow is the stage tech club's first
meeting. I can't wait; I love the theater and everything
about it. I'm not so sure if I'm an actor, though. I did
enjoy the attention on me when I was on camera, and I
didn't find myself nervous at all, just basking in the
lights of the studio and drinking in all the attention from
my fellow students. The camera loves me!

The stage, however, is a different story. You are in front
of hundreds of people on stage, all of them staring at you.
Of course, the camera let's millions of people have access
to you, but you don't see those millions. You see the
camera men, the director, and the stage crew. You do not
see the people laugh or giggle if you make mistakes, cry if
you say something heartrending. You're speaking to a
machine, not an entire audience.

I didn't make the cut for the play, but that's alright. I
almost feel better working silently and invisibly behind
scenes, smiling to myself when something goes right in the
play because of me. When I watch the movies I make, I think
of how they're my creation; the actors are merely puppets
in my show. I direct them. I am in charge. To them, the
director is God.

That's the sort of power I enjoy and I crave. I don't need
to be right there in front of you, center of attention, but
I need to be controlling what you see and what you feel.
And I do it so well that you don't even know that it's me
behind scenes. I'm subtle that way. It's a huge but subtle
power the director holds in her hands. Perhaps that's the
best kind.

Until later,

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