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2001-07-25 08:53:15 (UTC)

I went to the doctors today,..

I went to the doctors today, and ive decieded to keep my
baby. Strange. Im gonna be a mum.... i dunno, something
happened today, like my doctor was so shocked that i was
pregnant, she litrally said it was amazing.. they werent
sure if i could have kids at all.. especially not in the
next 5 years... but i am, and then she said that if i did
want to have it, there were major risks involved. She said
that everything might be ok, but there were things i had to
consider.. like the fact that if i go through with this,
that there might be complications, and i might loose it, or
i might even die.. that scares me alot... but this might be
my only chance, and im taking it. I have been thinking
about it so much, and when it all comes down to it, i sorta
thought, im not going to be the victim any more, im going
to stand up and say this is what i want, and its going to
be ok. and if its not ok... well i guess ill take that as
it comes.
Its so weird though, thinking that im going to have a
baby... all those serveys we did about what we wanna call
our kids.. and this is it.. so what am i gonna call it?
*lol* such a tiny thing to be thinking about, but i dunno,
i sorta feel like if i name it, then its not just "the
baby" but a person, and if they are 1/2 as strong as me,
god knows that itr will be a lil fighter and never give up.
I still havent told any1 else, and i havent told Kerry-Anne
that im keeping it. i cant just yet... ill have to wait
untill the time is right. I have no idea how Anthony will
I still wish u were here to share this with me. Oh well, i
guess i cant have it all.
Love Niki