Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
2002-09-19 17:57:48 (UTC)

If only half of our wishes came true..

I feel so bummed out these days. My best friend has
pretty much written me off. My job sucks. I keep doing
stupid things.

Ya, so StC was in town this past weekend. I saw her in
total about 1.5 hours. I picked her up and we drove into
the city to pick up her boyfriend CaD & then headed to
Apk&JiD&RaD's place and the minute Cad got there, I
suddenly no longer existed in Stc's world. I ended up going
to PD with a few other friends for the night. I didn't see
her again all weekend. I invited her (even him if he wanted
to come!) out with us on Saturday and she actually
said "I'll only go if Cad wants to". Fuck that. THEN she
made plans for Monday night with me. I called her house &
cell like I told her I would, no response. I mean, if
you're going to make plans with me at least call for gawds'
sake. Dammit. Haven't spoken to her since. I know she's got
her long distance plan now, I've called her enough. She can
call me now. I'm so pissed.

The past two weekends I invited HeL out with a few friends
to the bar. Both times I got really drunk and ended up
crashing as soon as we got back from the bar, leaving HeL
to find a way home. I mean, neither time it was discussed
how she'd get home,and she does live close to both places
but I feel bad for just copping out like that and leaving
her in a sense. I'm sure it's nothing personal,but she
hasn't returned my call. So I wonder if it IS personal...

Another one is ApK, okay she just had a baby. I totally
understand that things are different now. I was at the
hospital the night she delivered and I visited them twice
since. Haven't heared from her in about a week, I've tried
a couple times but they are never in. I miss ApK 'cause
she's another one of my close friends.

I guess I'm just slow to realise that everyone is changing
and we're all getting older so our priorities are
different. I need to change. I just don't know what to do.

I'm off work today. I don't even know what I'm working
this weekend. I might be back up North. I don't even care.
VeK invited me out on Saturday night for her man's
birthday, but I'll probably be working either here or up

This all sucks. I don't even know what tomorrow will
bring. Literally. I can't make any plans.
I'm beginning to hate EVERYTHING.
I just want to smoke a joint and down a beer.
How pathetic is that?

~love ridden