Broken Seraph

A Former Shell of Myself
2002-09-18 17:39:59 (UTC)

i was so proud of myself last..

i was so proud of myself last nite. that bitch manager got
in my face again with her bullshit. i was even in the mood
to deal with that shit (not enought painkillers) me and her
threw down , forreal. i wasn't even playing with her. she
pulled some bullshit about cutting tonya befer me, knowing
that i had mad homeowrk and projects to do. i just straight
blew up at her. i yelled at her for like 15 minutes but i
never hit her. i wanted to. i wanted to stab her in her
throat with my pin but i didn't. i left around10. on my way
out i spotted her truck. i keyed her truck, not just a
scrtach either. i keyed it good. tore that shit up. if i'd
had my knife i would of slashed her tires up too. if she's
there on thursday and gives me shit, all 4 of her tires are
getting slasheed. in a few weeks, i'll slash them up again.
hit that bitch in her pocket.
megan called me on my way home and i talked to her her for a
hot minute. i didn't tell her what had happened but she knew
that i wasn't happ. finally i told her and she offer to come
down and kick that bitchs ass but i told her i was handleing
it. that's my girl.
if i have to listen to another teachers sad story about how
they were the 1st person in ther family to ever go to
callege, i'm going to freak out.i'm going to throw a book at
him if he doesn't shut the fuck up.
i need painkillers! i' in pain. within 5 hours i took a
whole bottle of tylonal yesterday. didn't do shit for me. my
doctors not gonna refil my prescription for iat least
another week. this fucking sux.
christine still hasn't called me. ugh... this shouldn't be
tohering me so much. i don't know why i care. i just know
that wen her and her b/f break up. she's gonna cll me up and
be like lets go out and i'll jump up on it. i hate being
used. im so weak.
things have been really weird lately. like, i'll see things
and hear things that ive heard a million times but they'll
seem new to me. or seem not right. i can'texplaim i, it's
like things feel new but i know ther not. i can't isolate
any of my thoughts or focus on one single thing. i
don'tunderstand.
i slept yesterday, 4 like thi first time since saturday, i
think. it was unresful tho. the pointless type of sleep that
you get when you close your eyes and never fall into REM
sleep before you wake up. i was reading this book on sleep
and shit. it says that you go through like 3 or 4 stages of
sleep before you go into REm sleep- the sleep you have
dreams and get rest in. it said on average, it takes like 30
minutes to get into REM sleep. hmm.... if i'm with my girl
or lisa, i can fall asleep within like 5 minutes. i'm tired.




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