Pandora

I need space

July 24, 2001

Brad called me today... again! What is up with him? I
dropped a few hints like "I dont like to hang out with the
same people all the time cuz I get sick of them". He didnt
get it. He asked me if I wanted to go bowling tonight! ugh,
its not like there is much else to do in this town but come
on! Bowling?! I hate it. Id rather go see Jurassic Park
III again. Anyways, I told him I was busy. He said he would
call tomorrow and maybe we can do something. I dont plan on
being home. I guess if this continues I need to confront
him. I could get a friend to talk to him and tell him that I
am not interested... I just think he's cool to have as a
friend.. and to hang with once in a while! But not every
single day!

I was thinking today about the origins of the world. I think
that the world has always been here... see if you start
dissecting things everything just becomes so complicated. We
could never figure out every answer to evry question.
Sometimes I think its just better to accept something.
Everything is derrived from something so how could we ever
root the universe back to one single thing? It just doesnt
make sense. The logical answer has to be souly that 'it just
is'. It may seem like a cop out.. but its truely the only
rational one! Geeze, I just thought Id write that idea down
cuz it was really bugging me earlier today.
I think, relating this theory to my life, that I try to
explain everything too much. Im to detailed, and becuase of
this I over react. If I didnt concentrate on small and petty
things so much, I probably wouldnt be so screwed up. But
there is another question.

Am I screwed up? or do I just like to think I am? I know it
sounds completely weird and insane, but I think sometimes I
thrive on being different. I just have to eggagerate
everything so I can stand out. Insanity is the defence I
rely on. By pretending to be crazy sometimes, does that
really make me crazy? I wonder if I think too much
sometimes. I just dwelve deeper and deeper into stupid
ideas... just like those scientists who try to figure out the
origin of the universe.

I really dont know what Im typing... Im just trying to free
some thoughts that are stuck in my little head. That Brad
thing is really bugging me. Why dont I like him? Honestly,
even though this is shallow, because he is fat and has a lip
ring. He is a cool guy, but I just cant see myself with him.
Hey, everybody judges everybody by looks right? Or not...

~Pandora