nobody

another sleepless night..

another sleepless night destined for daylight.
gets light here at 3am and im almost there.
I wonder sometimes why i dont take sleeping pills, but
wait, no, that would be too easy. I have never went for
the easy part of life, always the hard way.
My husband sleeps, as much as he wants, he can sleep a hour
after he wakes up. I envy him.
Today, his parents stopped by on the way home from spain.
they were all tanned and happy. Brought me a carton of
marlboro's, and 2 bottles of wine, from france. hubby got a
tshirt and we all drank coffee.
his parents met him as he was walking home, im not sure if
it was at the bus or if it was the parkinglot outside. How
come that matters? maybe it doesnt. but i am here and alone
all the time and i need to wonder things to keep myself
occupied.
thursday my permit for living here runs out. and i am not
sure what will happen then. they are supposed to call i
guess and check that everything is fine. im not sure, but
hubby says i dont have to go back to USA. And if i did have
to go back there, where would i go?
i gave up everything to be here with him.
i guess the thing i regret since i have been here the most
is the loss of my life i can never get it back.
i regret...and mourn that i was so beautiful then, and now i feel so
damn ugly. ...