Vanilla

Vanilla
2002-09-17 15:00:13 (UTC)

Love

"Love is not a feeling. Love is a conscious decision that
you make."

That’s what the priest said last Sunday in his homily. And
I can’t get it out of my head.

If love is not a feeling, then what other “feelings” are
not feelings?
What other “feelings” have I consciously made a decision to
have?

Okay, so I’ve always thought of Love as being a strong
feeling. Then can you say Hate is also a conscious
decision? What about Fear? Do you consciously decide to
be afraid of something? Maybe. I suppose all fears can be
conquered so I guess Fear is a decision. Lust, Anxiety,
Anger, Sadness… No surly not sadness! Yes, the opposite
would be a decision. You decide to be happy. You can
decide that nothing will upset you today and you’ll be
happy. But sadness… You can consciously decide to be sad
but you can’t decide not to be sad. Surely! I mean you
can decide not to show people that you are sad but just not
sad…

Okay so are feelings things like cold, hot, uncomfortable,
tired? I suppose you can’t really consciously decide to
not be uncomfortable.

So why have I been brought up believing that Love is a
feeling?

Okay, how about… I have to consciously decide to love
someone. But I can feel loved…
No, that also doesn’t work. Until three years ago I hated
myself. It was only when I learnt to love myself that I
could be loved.

OR

Until three years ago I had consciously decided to loathe
myself and then I consciously made a decision to love
myself. Sort of makes sense.


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