6445bekiM

a friend, he pointed out to me...

...im not the same i used to be." well put less than jake,
well put. i suppose im not the same either. firday the
13th, my life changed a little. i got drunk for the first
time, i got a new crush, and i found out where i wanted to
be. i want to be in east lansing. shit, ill come home for
the summer, but i need to get outta harper woods, i need to
get outta my mom's house and i need to be free. it's not
like im in solitary here, i come and go as i please, but i
have so much responsibility. i just wanna live in the dorm,
party on the weekends, go to classes, go to work (whereever
that might be?) and just live for myself.
at alger's tonight, chucky was bitching about lord no
what, but he was pissed @ all of us. i don't know what his
problem was, he had all his best employees there. brando on
counter, lauren in deli (training the new girl, her friend
marie, that coulda added to chuck's pissy mood) and me in
stock. it was the fuckin dream team of the alger work crew.
i think it was just b/c he had to work monday night, which
he never does. fuck him, fuck algers. i need to get the
fuck outta there and get up to a party store up @ state.
that might be bad for me, cause im probably gonna start
drinking all the time now.
i made plans to get all fucked up with lauren and neil
too. probably not a good idea, since my dad was a raging
alcoholic, coc head, mother fucker. but whose says im like
my dad. just cause we have the same build, work a lot at
teens, i look like him, both smoke and drink and have shit
luck with women, but who says im like my dad? fuck that and
fuck him. he found the one for him, my stepmom i suppose;
he quit drinking cause he lost his first family, he quit
smoking to get healthier. he's got another family now, and
a wife that he might still love. he's definitly in better
shape then when he and mom split, granted i've seen him
like twice in the past 3 years, but whatever. i guess i am
like him, but you know what. im my own fuckin man, and i am
a man now. well, sorta. shad up, im so mature. yeah
whatever, im just a kid who wants to grow up, then when i
get old, im just gonna be a big kid.
what exactly am i doing? my life is on a track, but im
not going any where. im damn near 20 and barely lived a day
in my life. i haven't even had sex yet for christ sake! i
think i started off right after hs, but now im either going
backward or im just at a dead hault. i dumped my whipping
post of an ex-g/f like a year ago, i trained and became a
pro wrestler, which is put on hold till the "next show" in
november. i work at a liquor store for $8 and hour (which
is not bad for a 16 year old) and i spend most of my check
on god knows what. food, pool and rich most likely. gas is
another money gusler.
i go to a 2 year, community college part time, at this
rate, it'll take me 4 years to graduate. i want to go to
MSU, but i failed a math class, but my gramma says she'll
help with tuition, so that's a major bonus. i drive my
mom's car, i started to smoke, im gonna become an alky, im
probably gonna end up smoking pot, my career as a wrestler
will fade away, i won't know what to do for a career, since
i don't know now. so much confusion, im glad i let all this
out. oh yeah, plus im in love with like 8 girls, all of
which i could never have. dammit, my life is headed for the
shitter.

mjb