mango princess

Through my eyes....
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2001-01-19 20:32:52 (UTC)

The past two days have..

The past two days have absolutely crazy. Yesterday, I'm
all happy, excited....it's Thursday and it's going to be
like old times. Jeff and I going to dance together. I'm
going to tap with Charlie and the class for an hour, it's
going to be great. Soon after all of this becomes a plan,
Aunt Rita and Meme come over for a "women conference."
Meme has breast cancer. Well, sort of. She had a lump
removed about a week ago and it was cancerous. So now do
be over precautious, she has two options: 1)remove her
entire breast or 2)have some of the tissue and lymph nodes
around the breast removed, 25 days of radiation, steroids
and, well, that's it. So we all start discussing what's
best and of course, you know, the easiest and cleanest way
to do it is chop that sucker off so that's what Aunt Rita
and Meme are looking towards. Mom and I are trying to
convince Meme that she should get a second opinion from an
oncologist but she doesn't want to....She's just crazy, I
mean I don't know why she doesn't want to have another
opinion, this is serious stuff she's dealing with. The
whole thing, well first...the conversation didn't end to
well. It basically ended when I got up from my chair and
said it was a waste of my time to be sitting here. Both
Aunt Rita and Meme won't listen, they're both being
stubborn and I just keep finding myself repeating
everything I've said like ten times over. Right, so the
whole thing...it kind of scares me a little. I mean, they
took out the lump and that's all gone. But what if there's
some that got into her body somewhere...If they don't check
it out now, it could be too late later. And she's
definitely not going to want chemo when later comes. That
would just wipe her out if the cancer didn't, and mom said
that if she had to take it she would just die instead of
getting it. That isn't exactly what I want to happen, you
know?

So anyway, later on that night, I go to pick up Jeff...I
didn't tell him what had happened. That's sort of
irrelevant, but anyway...for once we had an okay ride. No
big drama, no fights, just good conversation. Well I
suppose it was decent, I don't exactly remember what it was
we talked about but it's all good. After I drop him off
and I got to Krylo's and for once I'm on time, whoa!!!
There weren't any spots in the normal lot, I guessed
because there was this huge SUV in front of me that was
pulling out of there. I followed it into Chan's parking
lot to park... seemed like the smart thing to do. Oh no
no, very wrong. I was going to turn into a spot and when I
breaked to turn, I didn't stop. I slid right into the
little snow bank in front of me and got stuck. There was
all ice around me. I kept reversing but there was no hope
for me now. I was just like, eh screw it, I'll take care
of it later. I get out of my car, only one foot out, and I
fall on my ass. Slid right on the ice. I felt so stupid,
well not that stupid because I rarely have real
embarassment, but the lady that had pulled in front of me
started to walk out of the parking lot and she must have
saw me so, you know how it is... I get up, and start
towards Krylo's, almost fall again....Woo woo!!

Class was a little weird. I talked to Erin about
whatever's been going on. I found out ten million things
in like ten minutes of talking to her. I think it all
started with me asking her if she was still with Jason.
Well they are and they had actually looked for apartments
that day. She said that they were probably going to get the
one they had saw...I asked her if she saw Eric. She said
that he's in the marines...not exactly what I was expecting
but ok. He just came home in October from Chicago and now
he's already gone again. I was hoping that I'd see him
some time...I don't know. He's always a shocker anyway I
suppose. Especially with the whole possibly bi/gay thing
and then how he liked Dawn!!! But I guess he just up and
left like two or three days after Christmas and just
shipped out. Weird.. I hope that him and I meet someday
randomly in some city, not around here, and just have this
long overdue conversation in a Dunkin Donuts or something
and stay up all night. For just one moment have this
amazing connection...
Then I find out that Linda Lea and Meghan are in Hong Kong,
whoa, completely random...They're there for a visit.. Haha,
they're such nuts!

Ok, class ends, Goodbye, hugs, kisses, blah blah blah.
Charlie is the only one that I really like there, well,
yeah, he's really the only one I care about and I always
feel like an ass in front of everybody else because they
seem to give to shits about what's going on with me. But
right, go to the car and almost fall on my ass again
getting in... I attempt to leave over the snow bank and
over the sidewalk. I start moving forward and then I made
a mistake..stopped to put on my seatbelt. When I went to
go again I got stuck on the ice. I was there for like ten
minutes going forward and reversing just ruining the tires
probably. Finally I went to the drive-up window at
Chan's. I asked the girl there if she could have somebody
help me push my car. Some jamaican guy came out who
couldn't really speak English that great but he was nice.
He was trying to push Big Blue but it wasn't working.
Luckily, some random kid on rollerblades is skating by and
asks if the guy needs help. So the kid starts to push with
him. When they finally get me out of there, the kid slid
on the ice and fell on his knees. I felt so bad. I just
stuck my head out the window and asked if he was ok and
then I thanked the Jamaican guy. I tried to get out of
there fast but once I got the exit, some car was trying to
get in. Also a big boat like the cherished Big Blue...I
was going to be nice and let him get in first, plus there
was no way I was going to get out without hitting him. I
go to stop and slid almost into his car cause of that damn
ice. Ewww, I hate it. I was only a half hour late picking
up Jeff, but we ended it with an amazing trip to Wendy's.
What else would we do?

On the way home we tried, well I tried to talk to him about
my theories on how there's no reason the goof troop should
no longer be the goof troop. That was just pointless. I
can't talk to him about stuff like that. He just doens't
want to listen. It seems that nobody does. I feel myself
always saying the same things about it, even to myself. I
guess everybody just needs to do their own thing and if I
want to hang on to it, then I just have to hang on to
everybody myself.

Ok, now today. Friday, January 19, 2001...(since this
shitty thing is in GMT, whatever the hell that is.) I had
an appointment with Dr. Fraznblau to audition for wind
ensemble @ 12. Well, I didn't get in. He felt that there
were some things I needed work on and since the band is
primarily for music majors, the standard is a bit higher
than what I'm playing at. When he started to tell me that
I needed work and he started saying that I couldn't be in
it at the moment, I thought I could get in like half way
through, you know once I brushed up a bit. Nope, his
suggestion was that I take flute lessons, and try to get in
the flute ensemble, and then I could audition in the fall.
How shitty is that? I was so, I don't know, I have mixed
feelings on the whole subject. I really just wanted to
play in band, not be some dedicated music person. I really
don't have a passion for the flute, like, at all!!! At
all, at all, NONE!!! (shakes head) I suppose I'll take the
stupid lessons, I mean I would like to get better at it
but, this is just insane. I couldn't believe that I just
couldn't get into the stupid class. I smiled for awhile,
sort of laughing that it was so ironic that I couldn't even
make it into the wind ensemble at RIC. Whatever, I'm not
mad or anything, just a little bit of a let down, guess I'm
not going to meet those bandies until next semester.

Last, I had an eye appointment....but by the time I left
school, it was 1:20 and I had to be there for 1:30. So as
you can guess I was late, not abnormal for me, but I had to
reschedule. I got there at five til two. So here I am
now, with nothing to do. I guess I have to get ready for
Sunday and school and whatever. There's so much more that
I could write but, Omg, I can't look at this screen
anymore, and I'm starving besides.


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