my life
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2001-07-24 07:27:34 (UTC)

Mon 7-23

ok, so, i dont really know what to say, but i heard about
this from someone on tv, i cant remember who, and i thought
it might be something cool to do. anyways, i guess i
should start off by taking stock of everything that is
going on in my life.

first of all, its summer, and ive been home for about two
months, unfortunately. its so boring here, i hate it. i
dont know anyone my age, and i have no friends here. i
wish that i could have gone to jax for the summer, but
psycho parents said no. so, now im working as the youth
director at the church, which is ok most of the time, but
the kids can really get on my nerves sometimes. they are
all obnoxious. i know that is really mean of me to say,
but they were all raised in this little bfe hick town, and
have absolutely no class whatsoever. anyways, that pretty
much sucks, but its an extra hundred dollars a week, so i
cant really complain. when you break it down, i make about
33 dollars and hour, so it isnt that bad. but, i am sure
life would have been a lot better, and a little more
financially pleasant, had i worked at the store in jax this
summer. but, oh well, what can you do with psycho parents,

and then there is my love life, what a disaster... i guess
i should go guy by guy, it might be less confusing.

caleb: we started dating almost 2 years ago, august 3,
1999, right after i moved from ky to jax. when i moved to
jax, my friend from ky came to visit and we went to st.
augustine for the day. we got bored, so we went to this
hotel to try to find some brochures about stuff to do. when
i was leaving the parking lot, i hit this wall and really
messed up my car. when dad found out, he told me i had to
get a job within walking distance of our house. so i
applied at like 5 places (including sonnys, which was
soooooooo embarressing). the store was the last place i
applied at and the only place that called back. caleb's
mom was actually the one that hired me. well, my first day
at work i met caleb, and thought he was cute, so i flirted
with him. then he was gone for about a month to visit his
dad in texas. the day he came back to work was aug 2, and
we started talking and he said we should hang out. i was
afraid he wasnt going to ask for my number, so i gave it to
him. he called that night, which was against his "rules,"
but oh well, we went out the next night (to see the
haunting, and for ice cream at marble slab, vanilla for me
and pina colada for him, and then to a park where we made
out) i had so much fun. the next night we went out again
and decided to be bf/gf. we dated until may 23, when he
broke up with me, the asshole. he said he couldnt handle
the long distance thing with me being at school and him
being in jax, and then when i had to stay with my parents
for the summer and not in jax with him, he said it just
wouldnt work. a lot of crap happened, and he ended up
asking me back out. i said yes, and then broke up with him
a few days later. things were weird between us and i kind
of wanted to see what would happen with jamie, his friend
who i kind of liked. anyways. . . caleb found out about
the whole jamie thing and got really mad, about as mad as i
was when i found out he went out with 2 other girls after
breaking up with me. anyways... now we are talking
civilly, and we still say "i love you" at the end of every
conversation. he says he hopes we can possibly get back
together some day, and i do to, but i didnt tell him that.
i really miss him, but i know he is a jerk sometimes. we
jsut had so much fun together, that is, when we werent
fighting. he went out with hannah again the other day, i
told him i went out with some guys, too. he was uspet. i
know i need to move on, but i just miss him so much. he
said he would go to the mb20/train concert with me on sept
2, so i guess we will see what happens then, that will
probably be the next time i see him, unless i end up going
to laura's the first week of aug and see him then. oh
well. . .

jamie: he was caleb's friend from school, i met him on the
internet. at first, i made up some name and talked to him
like i was another girl. then, after caleb and i broke up,
i told him who i was and he firgured everything out. but
we still talked, talked even more in fact, and talkedon the
phone. i ended up going to his house to spend the weekened
with him when his parents were out of town, that was a
whole lot of fun. we were making out 2 minutes after
meeting and we slept in the same bed both nigths, but we
didnt have sex. i had so much fun, though, until caleb
showed up at jamies house. that was a mess. he was really
upset, and jamie got really freaked out. so caleb is still
mad about taht and jamie is freaked out caleb. but, jamie
still says he is going to come visit me when i get back to
school and get into my apartment. maybe we will have some
more fun. . .

santino: i met him on the internet and now he is in love
with me, honestly. i really like him as a friend, hes
cool, but im not interested in him at all as more than
that, and i think he thinks he may have a chance. but i
feel really bad and i dont know how to tell him that he
doesnt. he came all the way from school to my parents
house one night just to bring me flowers, that like 2
hours. . . that kind of freaked me out. so, i dont know
what is going to happen. he wants to hang out when i get
back to school, but i think that he hopes that something
will happen, which i doubt will for me. . .

bobby: or at least i think that is his name. i met him on
the internet, too. he used to live where i did in ky and
now he lives at school, but he goes to the cc there, no the
univ. hes 25, kind of scary, and hes still in school. but
hes really sweet. but, a lot of the things he says makes
me question what he tells me,and whether it is all true or
not. the pics he sent me were cute, though. . .

anyways, i think thats all i for now, if i think of
anything else later, i will add it. its 3:30 am right now
and i cant sleep. . . thats why i am doing this. i have to
go roller skating (like in the 7th grade) with the youth
tomorrow, and then stay up all night at a lock in. i think
i may shoot myself. i just hope i can get through it. i
wish i could sleep now so i will have the energy to deal
with all that. maybe mom has some extra caffine pills
somewhere. . . i guess im going to go now. i will try to
write more tomorrow and keep this whole diary thing going,
who knows, im such a slacker ill probably forget. . . night