starrynite1226

The Story of Me
2001-07-24 02:50:46 (UTC)

Friends?

I'm not a irrational person. Really I'm not. Although
sometimes I have my moments when I don't think clearly and
I make a mistake. I swear, if I could step outside my body
a few moments before I acted out...I would smack myself.
Seriously. I don't like how I get sometimes. But if someone
hurts me, I want to hurt them too...only worse. It's like
second nature. I've been treated like crap for a long time,
and instead of sitting there and taking it, I have learned
to speak my mind. I'm not to blame for anyones problems.
I'm only responsible for my own....

So last week I did something that I wasn't too proud of. I
lashed out at a couple of my friends in a completely
irrational way. I said some things that were extrememly
hurtful. Yet, the next day i wrote a letter of apology. I
apologized until I was blue in the face, but it seemed to
go unnoticed. I expected people to talk, I knew they would.
It's completely normal. But I didn't think that I would be
the topic of conversation for the next week, and I also
didn't expect for as many people to get involved. I never
intended to put anyone in the middle. Some people of course
don't know when to keep something between the parties
involved, and it got really out of hand. I can't say that I
didn't mean to hurt anyone, because that isn't true. But I
didn't intend for this to happen, and I would have figured
that things would be fine again. But they aren't. I've shed
my tears...a lot of them. I've felt like crap, but I am not
going to waste my time dwelling on things that won't
change. I've tried to right my wrong, and since it's not
doing any good, why waste my time trying anymore? I've said
my apologies, there isn't much more to say. But I am
admitting my faults, and I am taking actions to correct
them which is more than what most people would do. I just
don't want to be the one making all the effort. I'm done.
I've said all I can. I hope that things work out on their
own. But until then...good luck and God bless!!

~Starrynite~