SmilesDontComeEasy

Living Is a Hard Thing To Do
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2002-09-15 16:17:32 (UTC)

Fat...Fatter...and Fattest

Yeah, that's all me. A week ago Friday a guy I know called
my pudgey, so since then, I hardly eat. I basically eat
every other day. I eat in my room or at least I make my mom
think that i'm eating...and then if i do have to eat in
front of her, I'll get rid of it and bring it back up. I've
lost 10 pounds this past week and erica is starting to get
mad. I used to always say stuff like 'i look hella cute'
and now all i say is "why am i so ugly and fat" i've done
all this before. But this time it's different..The first
time i did it fer me, and this time I'm doing it because of
what James said. I know I shouldnt let it get to me, but it
seems like every time i look in the mirror I'm still the
same size even though I can tell that i'm getting smaller
when i try on pants and stuff..I just want to be skinny
like everyone else. Adam is just plain pissing me off...He
keeps calling me shallow and shit and it bothers me. and
then he starts putting me down to the whole class about
things that happened when we were together. I just wish I
didnt have to go through it anymore. And then there's
Scott. The first time we went out fer like two weeks bcause
he caught me smoking and he already told me that he didnt
want me to because of his grandma dying of lung cancer.
Well, i quit that and so we started to date again because
he doesnt want a girlfriend. Well, the other night i went
to his house and we started kissing and that's pretty much
all we did. Well, yesterday i talked to him online and he
told me that he didnt regret doing it, but he didnt want to
do it again fer a while because that's not what dating is
about . I dont know where it came from because the other
night over there, we would have done a lot more if i
wouldnt have stopped him. so, i took it the way i take
everything...i figured it's bcause i'm fat and ugly...oh
well, it's gonna be hell..i dont even want to go to
homecoming anymore because i'll have to go shopping fer a
dress and then go to homecoming and see that everyone there
looks better than me...blah..bye bye


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