blueswede

got those brown's ferry blues

So I went to the interviews for the Balanced Man Scholarship
given by Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity today, and discovered
that I was in the right place at the right time, but on the
wrong day. The sheet that I thought was for Saturday turned
out to be for Sunday. I had to talk with the guy in charge
of the whole thing to realize my mistake. I just hope this
doesn't affect my odds of getting the scholarship.

At any rate, today was pretty uneventful. I got up at about
12:00, even though I'd been sort of half-awake for probably
an hour before that. I guess that's what happens when you
have a popular roommate.

At 6:00 I went to work and spent the easiest three hours of
my working life. Closing shift on Saturdays has to be the
best shift ever. There was almost nobody there, and hardly
anybody needed assistance, so I basically got paid to talk
with the other consultant and his visiting friends, and also
to browse Amazon.com's stock of Godzilla movies.

The evening was nothing special, however. It's funny; just
as I'm prepared to join in my hall's madcap debauchery, it
doesn't happen. I must have the world's worst timing.

So the high from yesterday's encounter with my friend from
CS wore off around 11:00 tonight and I got to feeling down
once again. I don't like to admit, but I'm experiencing the
same feelings of alienation that I always have. I like the
people on my hall and the people I've met around campus, but
it just doesn't seem like I really fit in here.

Now it could be that I'm just adjusting to my new environs,
but I've had this feeling many, many times before. And why
shouldn't I here at college? I don't have many interesting
stories about various shenanigans, because let's face it, I
never really did anything. I don't have sufficient guitar
skill to contribute musically, and most of the people around
here probably aren't big classical guitar fans anyway. And
I've met very few people who share my twisted sense of humor
and my ideas about what's funny. And I haven't really found
anyone with similar musical tastes; probably no one here has
even heard "Brown's Ferry Blues" or any of the folk songs
I've become so fond of lately.

It's like I'm still in the same idiotic pattern I've always
been in. Here I was counting on this whole college thing to
be a new lease on life, a chance for me to do things right,
instead of fucking everything up like I usually do. But it
just isn't working out right, at least not yet.

As near as I can tell, the only sure way to not screw up is
to do nothing. So who knows, maybe I'll become something of
a dorm hermit. After all, being alone is better than being
with people and not having any fun.

What's happened so far is making me rethink the social plans
I had for this year. Specifically, I'm thinking that maybe
trying to find a girlfriend isn't the best of ideas. After
all, most of the girls I've met here on campus could do way
better than me, especially since the campus is significantly
more than 50% male. So it's entirely possible that, if by
some act of God I should be successful in that venture, I'll
later be dumped for someone else.

Perhaps the life of a hermit is the life for me. After all,
if you never get close to anyone, you can never really get
hurt by them.

Or perhaps I'm just a whiny moron. Whatever the case, I do
feel a little better having written this tripe.

This is Dave, signing off.