A Day in the Life of Me
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2002-09-15 04:26:06 (UTC)

Good morning sunshine

Have you ever woken up at 2:30 in the morning with the
feeling that someone's holding you and when you realize
that it's all a figment of your imagination you want to
bawl and scream because you don't know when the next time
that you'll feel that same sense of security will be? That
feeling of being warm and safe and comforted may not come
again for a while. You have no idea who had their strong
arms wrapped around you and rocked you to sleep, who wiped
that last tear drop that fell from your heart, who let you
feel his presence and just reassure you that he would take
care of you forever. You wake up in a sea of stuffed
critters who at one time offered some type of shelter and
refuge, but this time they cannot listen to you when you
cry. They, like everyone else, this once can only look at
you with blank stares. They offer no support; they cannot
pull you out this time. It's a moment you always want to
remember, but you want to throw away. If you could feel
that safe and that loved every night when you put your head
on the pillow, if when you were sick he would pull the
covers up around you and tuck you in and just watch over
you through the night you could walk around during the day
with a bit of sanity, knowing that for once you have
something that you can hold onto and feel secure in and not
worry about it like everyone else walking around with their
feelings on their sleeves. It's nice to have your head in
the clouds, be free to daydream, and have not a single care
in the world.
Then you realize that you've done nothing to gain this
affection; you've done nothing to recieve this protection,
this tremendous amount of love being lavished upon you.
When you get what you do ask for it all gets blown out of
the window because you left it wide flood gate open during
the hurricane. You always screw things up. Good things come
quickly and go even faster; instant gratification leaves no
lasting satisfaction. Why we can't seem to learn the lesson
the first time the right way is still a mystery to mankind.
Experience is the best teacher though; it just sucks to
lose to gain.
If you ask you shall recieve. Patience is still a
virtue that I have yet to master. Hopefully the masked
wonder in shining armour and all his glory will come and
resuce me sometime soon so I can go back to sleep and rest
in the comfort and safety of his arms. Love never fails; I
know he won't disappoint me.

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