Reality Check
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2001-07-23 21:50:16 (UTC)

Daily news

Okay...I broke up with Daniel. Elizabeth was talking to J.R
the cop about her running away again and it was just the
whole crowd standing in the street and Daniel put his arm
around me. I couldn't take it. I pulled him over to tell
him. He walked away from me before I could really get a
chance to explain why I was doing it. He was pissed, but he
tried to play it off like he was fine. I think that was hard
for him since we spent the entire night hangin out together
with our friends. Eric wants to go out with me. Elizabeth is
upset because once she dumped him he started flirting with
me. She's convinced he's doing it to make her jealous. I
know otherwise, but nothing's going to happen between us.
There are a lot of guys in our "group"...and before I
probably would've loved to date them...but not now. I've
told Crystel I'm not dating anyone we hang with. Friends
last longer, and that's what we'll be. Actually, I'll
probably not even be able to be that with them....or Crystel.

Mom's pissed. She took one look at my friends and decided
they're "hoodlums" and I shouldn't hang around with them. I
hate her. They are the best friends I have down here. Almost
every single one of them...especially Perry and
Raleigh...would give the world to me if they could. She
doesn't like the fact that most of them are black...and that
most of them are older. I understand where she's coming
from...but she hasn't even met them. She took one glance and
decided who they were and how they acted. She doesn't want
me hanging out downtown because she doesn't know if where we
go has any "adult supervision". Of course it doesn't. Duh.
But I think she should trust that I'm not going to do
anything. I know before I've givin her reasons not to trust
me...but that's been a long time ago. I wish she would learn
to trust me to make decisions in my life and to be
independent. I am stuck in this house the entire day 5 days
a week babysitting her daughter, and then on the weekend if
I want to go around town and hang out with my friends I feel
I should be allowed to without having to worry about my mom
calling the cops to come check on me to make sure I'm not
doing anything wrong.

Another "Mom" issue. I'm going out with Josh now. Josh is a
sweetie...and he knows how to treat a girl with respect. He
never asked anything more of me than friendship...but it
just headed towards another direction. So now we're dating.
The problem is...Josh is 17. 3 years difference isn't
anything to me. But to my mom it's the world. That and the
fact that he has a car. I really like him, and I know once
she gets to know him she'll trust him. And I also know no
matter how much trust she has in him she would never let me
go out with him. So I have to keep it a secret. It's like
Kenny all over again.

The story on Kenny: I met Kenny when I was 12. His sister,
Sabrina, was my best friend in the entire world. I developed
a "crush" on him. At the time he was 15. After a while I
decided to tell him. We got hooked up. I was 13 and he was
16. I had to keep it a secret. I stayed at Sabrina's house
all the time and I could be standing right beside Kenny and
not be able to hold his hand or have him hold me because
somebody would be around and they'd make us break up. We
dated on and off for a year. Then my mom found out. I wasn't
allowed over Sabrina's no more. That ruined our friendship.
Me and Kenny were in love. No matter how many people say a
13 year old child doesn't know what love is, i don't care. I
did. He knew I was moving soon. He told me to send him my
address and we would keep in touch, and if the flame was
still burning when I turn 18 he would come get me and we
would drive off to las vegas and get married. I believed
him. No matter how many boyfriends I had after we broke up I
always had a place for him in my heart. Then one day Sabrina
tells me he's dating someone else and the next week he's
engaged....and my world, my heart, my soul....my entire
being is shattered. I was upset for a while...a long while.
Then I heard him and Tiffany (fiance) were moving to Ohio. I
wanted to say goodbye to him before he left...and when I
called and told Sabrina, she came back on the phone after a
few minutes and said that he couldn't. She wouldn't tell me
why, but I finally got the truth out of her. He said that He
still loves me, and he doesn't ever want to talk to me
because of the fact that he might get second thoughts and he
just wants to get on with his life. And amazingly enough I
understood that. Only a single tear fell from my eyes that
night. And I decided that it was best for both of us. no
matter how much wishing we could do, in the end we both knew
there would be now way we could ever be together. I don't
remember the last thing I said to him, but I do remember our
last kiss. I wouldn't trade in what time we spent together
for the world. But my heart still has a little bruise on it.

So now you know why I'm a little shaky about the whole me
and Josh issue. I just hope this doesn't end in the same
way. Hopefully I won't fall in love with him...because other
than the fact that mom will never approve and it all has to
be top secret shit...there's also that fact that he's 17 and
after this year he'll be going to college. But we'll see
what happens.