Nicole

Life Sux Then You Die
2001-07-23 18:23:12 (UTC)

Day: 13(a sadness hour)

Why do I all of a sudden feel tired and sad...and lonely? I
don't know... I wish I wouldn't feel this way anymore...It
hurts...I am 16 and have never been on a date. I don't know
whats wrong with me. I have personality. I hate to walk
with my friend and her boyfriend sometimes...makes me feel
even more lonely. I know there are decent guys in my
school...but it seems like they are all taken or they just
don't notice me...I really don't know whats going on in our
school. Its hard to say these things cuz some of my
offline/online friends read this and they might think I am
a depressed psycho maniac. I really want a
boyfriend...Someone to talk to, someone to love and love me
back... I want to go out and have fun with him...hang
out... I try to picture myself in about 5 to 10
years...Trying to picture me married and settled... its
really hard to picture that. I really am lonely and sad
right now... I know there are decent guys out there
somewhere... they seem to be playing some sick game of hide-
n-seek where they are hiding and I have no clue where to
start looking.

Its not the lonely where you don't have friends...its the
lonely where you don't have love. Everyone has crushes and
its like I am on the bottom of the list. I have guy friends
too, but they are friends nothing more. I don't think they
see me more then a friend either. What the hell! I am soo
fucking depressed! gaahh! I want to stop being depressed
but its hard to stop...I wish it would all go away right
now...make myself happy...but I know that won't work...

My friends don't come online so I can't talk to them. My
friend Katie doesn't answer her phone...I might call her
now. I will be on later tonight...