My Confessions
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2002-09-14 04:40:10 (UTC)

You Don't Know Me

Dear Diary,

I'm such an idiot! What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I
think i've waited too long with Jay! I mean that night that
we slept in eachother's arms was over a week ago and we've
barely said two words to eachother since. I swear he's
avoiding me! Its even worse now! Sam said that Stacey
broke up with her boyfriend and is now attacking Jay full
throttle! I mean she drapes herself all over him! I didn't
tell Sam or even Alyssa that I slept over at Jay's. I did
mention that Cole and Christian got it on, but I didn't
mention the rest. I didn't want them reading into it too
much. Sam already thought that I should hook up with Jay
from the beginning and if she knew all the torment i was
going through inside over him she would be practically
forcing the 2 of us together.

And if you thought I was an idiot already then you are
really gonna hate me now! I did the stupidest thing! Luke
asked me to go to dinner with him today in physics! Jay was
standing right next to me when Luke asked. He's like "So
Jules, are you doing anything tonight?" And before I even
knew what i was doing I was like "nope." and he's
like "great then you are coming out to dinner with me!" And
I didn't know how to respond! Jay just kinda stared at
Luke, but he didn't say anything like i was hoping he would
like "no, she's mine" (I know that sounds lame!)So I just
kinda stayed silent. Jay didn't offer any sort of protest!
So i went out with Luke tonight! I just got back. When he
dropped me off he tried to kiss me. I didn't know what to
do. i know guys sorta expect that sorta thing on a first
date, but i just didn't feel like kissing him. I mean I
don't even know why i went to dinner with him! And now that
I did, Jay's going to think I'm completely not interested
in him! AND I AM! Why didn't I see this sooner?!
So that song 'You don't know me" is playing in repeat in my
head. (its from my best friends wedding)
"You give your hand to me, and then you say hello, and i
can hardly speak, my heart is beating so, and anyone can
tell, you think you know me well, but you don't know me.
No you don't know the one, who dreams of you at night, and
longs to kiss your lips, longs to hold you tight. OH i am
just a friend, that's all I've ever been, cuz you don't
know me! i never knew the art of making love, thou my
heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let my
chance go by, chance that you might love me too. You give
your hand to me, and then you say goodbye and i watch you
walk away beside the lucky guy, boy you will never know,
the one who loves you so, no you don't know me"

Hopeless Juliet

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