CowieB

Sorry for myself...

So here I am really feeling quite not good. And well, I
just read Christine's diary and felt like writing that I
don't like how everyone is being crappy...I don't like how
Christine (s) are having problems with how they look and
thier opinions about how they look...damn. they are
perfectly fine. Cant they see that. Shit what the hell is
wrong with the funking world. Excuse my language, but I am
just a little pissed off... Not at you maybe, but at the
world...personally I am just mad...insanely angry and what
society has done. Let me be okay...let me be okay...That's
all I ask. Let me come out of this okay and happy. That's
all I ask I want to be okay. okay. fine not bad. okay
not bad...fine. please. please. please. please. there isn't
much I ask for, but let me be okay. Let me be strong. Let
me be okay. Strength. That is what I need. Let me be
okay. Please. That's all I need. No more tears. No more
crying. Don't make me feel bad. Nothing could be this
bad...then why do I feel like this. Well, I just don't
know...I feel useless...I can't do my SAT correctly...I
can't do my Ap's correctly...I can't handle my life
correctly...you know how Spanish Class turned out...you
know how happy Christine(s) are...and well now Gayle is
gone. I hate my life...no wait. My life is okay...I hate
this feeling...I life is bad because of this feeling that
society sucks and wants to screw everyone over. Please
make me okay...make it go away. I want it to be okay.
Don't make things bad. I can't handle bad. No please. Be
good. be fine. I am okay...I am okay...whatever this
feeling may be I am okay...I'm not dead. everything is
okay...there is nothing wrong. I need okay. be okay.
fine. no loss. be okay. BE OKAY...understand it please.
be okay... you are fine. Sometimes I think I am going
insane. I have to talk to myself...reasure myself that
things are alright. I have to say it outloud...I have to
know that it is solid. The air particles move and know that
being okay is solid. I am fine. You see I'm so insane. I
was watching tv today in my sister's room and she said to
me she thought I was insane for talking to a doll, but you
know what...that doll...those toys...they have no
emotion..they will never hurt me. My puppy, Daisy, my
piglet, Cowie, they will never hurt me the way a person
(society) will cut me, scar me...so let me be okay in this
world please! that is all I ask. please be okay.