Spunky311

When you think something good will happen

I'm probably not as depressingly deep as most people who
have these love problems, but I definitely still have
them. Love in itself is a pretty big problem, but anyway I
just don't know what to do anymore.
I've known him for about three years now and well, now I
believe that saying when people see eachother in
a "different light". Each night we work together, I can't
help but like him more. That sounds real stupid, and I
can't even make it sound intellectual. But the truth of it
is...I really can't help it. He doesn't get any subtle
hints, in fact he thinks I'm in love with his best
friend...who by the way, knows I like him (but hasn't told
him). Each night he leaves off with his friends, and then
me with mine. We are pretty good friends, but he only has
two best guy friends....in fact the guy is scared of girls.
Well, not girls...but relationships. The funny thing is
that I am too, but I'd start one with him. I'd go against
my fear.
Well, tonight I promised myself that he wouldn't leave
with his friends...that maybe we'd hang out. But of course,
as fate (if there is such a thing) would have it, I got
pretty sick and I had to go home. For some reason, that has
got me down and becoming incredibly analytical of our
relationship.
I'm sick of looking for signs, waiting for opportunities,
hoping for some unexpected thing to happen. But I also
can't just run up to him and tell him what I've been
thinking all the times I give him that famous "look". There
is a reason behind that and its not because I'm afraid of
rejection (which I am) but basically it would deteriorate
our friendship...I don't feel like explaining it.
Anyway....I'm leaving in 4 weeks. I'm going to college, he
is staying here. I bet he doesn't even have any idea that
I'm going to miss him as much as I will. Maybe I'll tell
him my feelings, maybe I'll just leave...although I don't
think I can do that without having some kind of idea about
his thoughts on me....maybe I'll run into him 4 years from
now at Jewel and then something will happen. Hopefully
everything happens for a reason...but I just hope I have
the good odds.....