The Crumb That Fell
2002-09-13 05:26:22 (UTC)

Only Human

September 13 - 12:58 AM

I've realized that I have been taking the word "hate" the
wrong way all these years. You see, for a large point in my
life, I've really thought that I actually "hated" a few
people... for numerous reasons. At this point I see that I
just disliked them, because only in the past 48 hours have
I really come to understand the true meaning behind the

The HATRED that is pouring out of me right now is like
nothing that I've ever experienced in my entire life. It is
almost unexplainable. I'm not going to name names on this
thing, but... I abhor, I despise, I detest, I loathe, I...
I ABSOLUTELY HATE this person.

I am at this point, you see. Truthfully (I'm not gonna lie)
I hope that it will pass. I'm not used to it, and I'm not
happy with it. What I *feel* will never change. I feel like
I will hate this person for the rest of my life. Even in my
next life. But I'm hoping that this is just one of the
phases I pass through. Because now I can say that I want
him to die. Not only that, but I want him to die a
horrible, excruciating, long-lasting death.

Faced with him, and a cop right next to him, was the
hardest point in my life. Why? Not because of the cop,
although I do hate cops. But because it took every single
muscle in my body NOT to rip his head off of his neck. And
now, looking back to yesterday, I wish I would have fucking
done it.

I know, sick. Isn't it? But this is a completely new
feeling for me. And I'm still learning how to deal with it.

Ani says it best:
"FUCK YOU for existing in the first place."