2002-09-12 20:59:24 (UTC)

still looking

Well I've started my 3rd year at university now and still
not much is new. School is OK. My honours course doesn't
look like it will be as tremendously difficult as I thought
it was going to be even though I'm still the youngest in my
class and I think probably the dumbest too :P
Dan's there which is never a good thing since I haven't
spoken to him since May. He's got a new gf now and I sorta
suspect he was probably with her and I during an
overlapping period there at the end of our so-
called "relationship"... I remember him telling me about
meeting her at the very least and how she was the "nicest
girl he'd ever met in his life" and i remeber that quite
clearly cuz he subsequently told me while breaking up with
me over the phone that "You're like, the nicest girl i've
ever met in my life" so whether that was in his mind some
kind of inside joke / psychological dig at me I'm not quite
sure. But I do know that he met her before breaking up with
me and was quite taken with her. But he treats her the same
way he treated me so I'm not really jealous at all so much
as I am very sympathetic. I know what it's like to date him.

I also saw this guy named Kevin a few times which it turns
out was basically this big joke cuz like every other guy i
run into one day he just woke up and decided he didn't like
me anymore. Like seriously, Wednesday he drove all the way
across the city to come see me and was over here till like
1:00 am and then the next day I called and he was like "uh
i'm busy" and i haven't seen him since then. :P
I fukkin hate men. I swear. Dan probably said something to
him about me or something.. i'm not quite sure but I talked
to Dave today and he knew about the Kevin thing so I'm
guessing they all do... (Kevin knows those guys cuz he's
from the same town as them plus his ex-gf and good friend
is now going out with Dan so I shoulda known from the
begining that it wasn't a good idea... well i DID know from
the begining that it wasn't a good idea but I guess I
figured I shouldn't turn someone away just cuz they're
associated with dan, that doesn't neccesarily stop them
from being a good person blah blah blah but in the end it
turns out that my first instinct was right, he IS a fawker
and I shouldn't have ever given him the time of day.
Ah well. I'm getting pretty damn used to this routine and
it hardly hurts anymore.

I also saw Judge about a month and a half ago at Ashley's
birthday which wasn't something I was really looking
forward to but we talked to each other quite a bit (for
like 30 mins) and I didn't feel wierd or anything. I was
just pretty happy to be talking to him and getting along
and everything (the last time we spoke to each other before
that was kind of really increadibly nasty) so that really
made me happy ... to a point though I guess cuz I saw him
once (maybe twice... not sure about the 2nd time) since
then and didn't speak to him cuz he was walking with his
girlfriend and I kinda didn't feel like saying anything to
him while she was there. Yeah. I'm jealous. And I will
admit that. I don't like her and I never will. She could be
the next mother Teresa and I wouldn't like her. Judge is a
good person and was a pretty decent boyfriend to me
(despite the fact that he was in love with another girl at
the time) and he doesn't want me and she's better than me
for some reason. No one can make me like her. :P
Dan's gf on the other hand, no hard feelings. She can HAVE
him but I feel BADLY for her cuz I know she'll end up
feeling the same way I did.

So yeah, still waiting for someone decent to come along.
Correction... someone decent who i can convince to LIKE me
for more than two months.

I also saw last year's captain of the university volleyball
team who i was like in love with since first year up until
he tried to pick me up at the bar ( I was SO psyched ) but
we later found out that all he wanted was for me to fuck
him... so yeah that didn't go quite as well as I had hoped
either. :P

Oh yah, and that hockey player never called me either. which was
wierd, cuz he seemed like he really liked me. But not as much as it
seemed Kevin liked me...

Still waiting....

"Ordinary Day" Vanessa Carlton

Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just tryin to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking towards the sky.
And as he asked if i would come along
I started to realize-
That everyday he finds
Just what he's looking for,
Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
You'd swear thsoe words could heal.
And I as looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine.
And to know he's no stranger,
For I feel I've held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can
And if we walk now we will divide and conquer this land.
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand
Right in the palm of your hand

Please come with me,
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not flee.
Time will not flee.
Can you be

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream.
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that boy, that ordinary boy.
Or was it all in my head?
Did he asked if I would come along
It all seemed so real.
But as i looked to the door,
I saw that boy standing there with a deal.
And he said he my take my hand,
Live while you can,
Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand
Right in the palm of your hand
Right in the palm of your hand

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Jus tryin to get by.

Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.