Str8 Girl, Interrupted

Happy 21st B-day Josh and Other Stuff.....

So, it’s Wednesday afternoon, I called off work. I know
what a loser. Not even a full week, but it was for Josh’s
birthday and I had stuff to do today. I went and found
another job…Yay for that!! I start training for Convergy’s
on Feb. 12. I’m excited. I tried to work there last
summer. They never called me back. They said my name
prolly got lost in the shuffle somewhere, so I had to
retake the test and all that crap. I passed again…I think
I learned more some how…don’t ask me. Anyways, I just have
to stick out like 20 more days of NFO. It’s not that I
don’t like the job….it’s just that I feel like I’m at
school. It’s hard to explain…you have to sign out the
room to go the bathroom. They time cards are confusing as
hell…why can’t they just have 60 seconds minutes like
normal. They have 100 second minutes and if you’re late
like a tenth of a second…you get your pay docked. I mean,
c’mon on. That’s a bit steep. Plus Convergy’s pay is a
lot better…9.50/hr!!!! That’s excellent!!!

So, last night was Josh’s 21st birthday celebration. It
was quite memorable for him, I think. Jamey and Nick kept
buying him drinks upon drinks of 151 and whatever else they
gave him. He drank quite a bit. He was fucked up. He
couldn’t hardly walk. It was funny. When we were about to
leave…he started to look really sick. I knew he was gonna
throw up. He threw up in the club…all over Selena. It was
horrible. I’ll never forget that, but Josh on the other
hand…he just might choose to forget it J

Marc met a boi. His name is James. I haven’t met him. He
gave Marc his number at school!! Isn’t that crazy?!!! I
guess, it was nice. He’s 28. I think that’s a bit old,
but if that’s what Marc wants…then more power to him. I’m
just like…HERE WE GO AGAIN!! Whenever Marc meets someone
and he thinks he likes them and they like him, I get to
hear non-stop about how much time Marc DOESN’T have for a
relationship. He gets stressed out, paranoid and all-
around depressed. I don’t like to see him that way. I
know he takes on too much, but you can’t tell him that. He
thinks he’s superman. No one with any kind of sense would
take on as much as him. He’s works 40 hours at the Pharm
(sometimes more), he’s supposed to do 10 hours a week of
tarot (which he doesn’t, but swears he will this time),
goes to school 3 days a week, wants to go clubbing and
everything else AND have a relationship with someone AND
give them his utmost attention. It’s not possible. There
is not enough time in the day. He doesn’t understand this,
of course. I can’t tell him though. He doesn’t want hear
it. It’s insane, I think. I guess, I get worried too
about the fact that he won’t have any time to spend with
me. I know it’s a little selfish, well a lot. We work
different hours as it is and if he comes home at 10:45 and
leaves right away to some guys’ house…I won’t EVER see him,
but on weekends. If I’m lucky then, cuz he works weekends
plus when he has time off, he’s gonna wanna spend it with
his bf, not me. I get so paranoid. I need to get over it
and move on, but I don’t know how. He’s my best friend and
he makes promises I know he can’t keep. He says we’ll
always be close and blah blah (he told me on Saturday), but
I know that’s not true. I’m so scared he’ll leave and I’ll
never see him. Or worse yet, we’ll still live together and
I’ll never see him. I’m afraid of change. I know I come
first NOW, but will I when he finds someone??? NO…I know
that’s the answer. OH hell, I’ll have to accept it and be
happy for him. That’s all I can do. Well, cry me a river…
bye