lonlybuttrfli

lonlybuttrfli
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2002-09-12 03:48:14 (UTC)

huh?

there was this one time that i played the confused little
angel in a christmas play at church... it was the first
actual solo song i have ever gotten... i bet it was much
worse than i ever thought it was. fordo full out ripped on
me in penn ave today... we were singing this
arrangement of the star spangled banner... of course...
look at the date.. anyways... i was trying to pop that a flat
at the end... and i was holding back cause i was all
alone... and he went ape... apparently i was 'too much'
so he had fillit do it... that wasn't enough so he asked et
too... i don't get it... is too much an insult? it seemed
like it... but yet he had 2 girls filling in for 'too much' of
me. i swear i will never get anywhere with that guy... it is
impossible... either that or i am really bad...

back to being confused... it is so much easier to end a
crush if you hate someone... or convince yourself the
relationship is impossible... right? well... see... i
couldn't like bo if i was straight... right? but how can i be
straight if i don't like boys? i am thinking maybe i only
ever liked boys because it was the right thing to do... all
i have wanted in these boys i have dated is a best
friend... someone to understand me... you know... bo
thinks i am curious... i am, sort of... but i am not katie,
she must realize... i think katie only wants ass... she
always said katie wanted her to be her little
experiment... i'm not like that at all... i want nothing
sexual... i am so hurt... i don't want anyone to touch
me... it is all red-flag... but she makes me feel special...
to sleep together... so close... that was magic...

NO! i can't like her... don't do this to me! she is my
FRIEND... she is HAPPY with KATIE... i fit in there
nowhere...

i can't tell her anything... i can't trust her... she has
broken that... that will take time... i am hoping it is just
something awful that is being brought out in her... when
we are rid of katie perhaps my friend will come back... oh
i hope that day comes soon... ... ...


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