NbdysPerfect

The Crazy Life of Troy, the Drama King!
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2002-09-12 03:01:45 (UTC)

America The Beautiful

This country is so patriotic and I am proud to be apart of
it! I watched a lot of TV today, even though a lot of it
upset me, but a lot of it made me smile too. It's just nice
to see everyone getting along and it makes me realize that
I am just a small little speck in a HUGE world. I took the
time to realize there are so many other people that are
suffering inside more than I am! My thoughts and prayers go
out to anyone who lost someone because of the huge 9/11
catastrophe. It's good to see that we are all standing
strong through such an ordeal.

I went to "S-Mart" today to meet Jeff and I saw sooo many
American Flags. It was really nice! Someone placed flags
all over the parking lot leading up to "S-Mart" I walked
inside today and mostly EVERY person I saw had some sort of
American shirt on, it was crazy! Today, the employees
didn't have to wear their uniforms, they could wear
something patriotic. It was cool.

Now enough of that! There's a lot more that I wish to
discuss...

**Disclaimer** Some names have been changed to protect the
lives of the innocent. :0) **End Disclaimer**

I realized today that I like Matt as SC, he's sooo much
better than Rachel. I mean, Rachel is just too stuck on the
rules and she won't loosen up. It makes me mad cause she is
the same age as ME for crying out loud, but yet she has a
right to boss me around. I was just hanging out waiting for
Jeff and she had to get on my ass for bugging workers! She
told me if I wasn't going to buy anything, that I must
leave. Grrrr...I think she lets it get to her head. I hear
they want to make her a Team Leader...GOOD LORD NO!!! I
didn't really think I liked Matt cause when he works I
always get my breaks and lunches late, but then I realized
he is a LOT more open when it comes to policies and things.
He doesn't question your authority on things, he trusts
you. He LETS you hang out at "S-Mart." I never thought I
would be one of those people that hung out after work, but
there's so many cool people there that I enjoy talking to.

Today I went and saw Swimfan with Jeff. It was an awesome
movie! Erika Christensen was fabalous and Jesse Bradford
was HOT as usual. Erika wasn't so bad looking
herself...yumm...

Although I LOVED the movie, I kept thinking of stuff that I
knew I shouldn't! For one, I thought about my
ex...GRRR...why does she STILL pop up in my head?! I mean,
it's been over 6 months now! We broke up February
13th...technically...we gotta still did "stuff" after that
for a few months, but ya know! We were both lonely and then
she found someone and ditched me...once again, I'm NOT
gonna get started on her. She's not worth my time. Anywayz,
I thought about her cause the relationship between Ben and
Amy in the movie is just like ours used to be. It was sweet
to see them together. Many people think you're incapable of
being in love when you're high school, but it happens. I
dunno, I just thought of the good times and how there are
still many things I miss about her and "us."

Then...I started feeling lonely. Seeing this couple on the
screen made me realize that I don't have anyone like that
right now. I know it shouldn't matter, but I miss not
having someone...and I'm not even sure if I want a girl or
a guy to fill that void. I'm leaning towards girls cause
it's all I've known. I just wish I had someone to hold,
someone to touch, someone to kiss...someone to spend time
with and just love. I miss being in love. I miss having
someone there that I KNOW I can talk to about ANYTHING! And
it's so hard to just pretend like I don't need anyone, that
I'm happy being single. YES, there are days when I enjoy
being single, but tonight wasn't one of them. I wanted
someone tonight...

There was something else I was thinking about too while
watching this freaky movie. Hehe, weird how I think about
things while watching a movie about a psycho bitch that
just won't move on! Anywayz, I was thinking...let's say I
do find myself liking a guy...and let's say me and this guy
hook up...how are we going to act in public?? I mean, I
LOVE PDA! I can't get enough of it! I love holding the
person's hand, I love cuddling in public, I'll even kiss in
public! It does not affect me at all! I love just showing
everyone, LOOK who I have! I am definately NOT going to be
able to do that with a guy. I mean, HELLO, I live in
Hillbilly Kentucky where INSEST is more acceptable than
being BISEXUAL! I would WANT to hold his hand, I would WANT
to cuddle with him...but because of this stupid society, I
feel like I can't. I know, I know, I shouldn't care what
people think...but it's sooooo taboo to see that out in
public. I wouldn't be able to stand the looks. I dunno, I
don't like private relationships. When I'm in a
relationship I want the whole world to know about it! Why
be so secretive? So many questions, yet no answers! Grrr...

So there's some other stuff that I'm really DYING to talk
about, but because of certain people that may be reading
this...I think maybe I should keep my mouth shut and my
thoughts to myself. Let's just say: I HATE TENSION! And I
felt tension tonight for some reason...someone was being
WAY too quiet...

I'm having a very interesting convo with someone online and
I would love to see where this goes. I must go now...ta ta
for now.

Who would've believed
That you and me would fall
And land together
And who could've foreseen
In you I'd find the place
I've belonged forever
And if I move closer
Then love will take over
And lead the way

I'd given up hope
Losing the faith that love
Could be mine to treasure
And now
Nothing's the same
I found myself reborn
On the day I met you
And if we move closer
Then love will take over
And lead the way

Suddenly you are lying
Here with me and the truths
I used to hold have changed
And if I move closer
And let it take over
Then love will lead the way
And let it take over
Then love will lead the way

-- "Lead the Way" by Mariah Carey


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