Nick's Journal
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2002-09-12 02:27:19 (UTC)

September 11th, 2002

When it all happened I really couldn't write about it, i
mean i looked at my entry a year ago, and well....yeah.
What can i say a year later (god damn that's so cliche).
I've had two very vivid dreams about the whole incident,
both are exactly identical which freaks me out. both
times, i'm in the world trade center. the plane hits and
i have to get out....around me all the people scream, and
as i finally make it out (how i get out is unclear both
times) i look up and i see the towers fall. i hear the
people scream, i hear them die.
all i want to do is cry then. but being the male that i
am i just get into that state (that most guys know about)
where you pretty much cry with everything but the tears.
to be very blatantly honest, the whole thing affects me so
much, after those two dreams all i can think of is....why
did it happen. those people, those poor people. their
lives ending in such a catastrophic fashion......screaming
for my help, screaming as they go down. now whenever i
see a movie involving new york i just feel sad. i see
what it is in the movie (innocent to the point that new
york can ever be innocent). i looked through a book today
with all the pictures and i just felt the urge to cry
again. i mean jesus......
i could just go on and on here about the perpetrators.
but i'm not going to mention them. they're not worth it.
they are psychos and my view of psychos is this:
a psychos mind is a code that we sometimes successfully
decipher.....yet even when un-deciphered we still don't
grasp the meaning. we can say "oh he did it because of
this instance in his life" but what good is that? we
don't know WHY!? why would you do something like 9/11?
how can you be so blinded by hatred.
so fuck those that did it. i dont' care about them. i
care about the victims. the people who i hear screaming
in my dreams. i care about the pictures of smoke and
fire. my heart aches for those that died, but even more
so because it hurt a nation of people that were innocent.
now i don't mean that in a negative way in any manner.
but it's just that now we are so afraid (see iraq). we no
longer care about stupid shit (a la The onion).
to sum it up.
i feel all the sympathy in the world for the victims, and
all the hatred for the aggressors...if there's one thing
you shouldn't do to me is in any way try to present a case
for those fucks....not after those dreams i've had.
at the end of each of the dreams.....i have this one
really weird scene. i'm in new york with dave (my
roommate) and we are touring.....and in both dreams i
say "hey let's go see the world trade center"....then i
realize they're no longer there.
then i wake up.
as far as i'm concerned that's not the end. fuck that.
it's tragic, it's horrible, but you know what? to those
that thought that it really "accomplished" something.
think again. because we united, we're moving on, and
through the coming years we will evolve from it. see
that's the thing. this nation evolves....guaranteed we've
committed our fair share of injustice, but we evolve and
constantly learn. we'll learn and we'll remember. to
those of you that regress through history and use
violence, and think you're getting somewhere. you're
going to hit a brick wall soon enough. all you do is feed
our knowledge and drain yours.
We'll stand united for a long fucking time. And we'll
just continue to grow stronger and wiser as we stand.
God Bless America